29 January 2010
27 January 2010
I truly wish I'd had a camera to capture the facial expressions on Danielle's and my husband's faces during this conversation. Danielle looked so horrified while her father did his best, "I don't understand why this should bother you." face.
Danielle, "Ewwww! This has mushrooms in it!" (Ok. It's been a while since I put mushrooms in the sauce but I've never gotten a complaint til now...)
Her Father, "Well it IS spaghetti. Don't you like mushrooms?"
Her Father, almost militant in his questioning, "What have you got against mushrooms?"
Danielle, "It's a FUNGUS!"
Her Father, with an outraged expression on his face, "WHAT? Are you a funguphobe?"
QOTD: "Life is too short to stuff a mushroom." Unknown Author
25 January 2010
Me, while glaring at my husband who is eating in front of the kids, "Why are you eating that slice of meat with your fingers?"My husband, with an angelic, questioning look on his face as he answers, "Because I'm wearing shoes and my feet can not reach my mouth?"Me, still glaring at my significant other because he continues to eat in a manner fit for barnyard animals in front of the kids, "Why can't you use a fork?"
My husband answers with a patently false misunderstood look on his face, "I already put it in the sink."
Me, getting really exasperated with his determination to look confused about WHY we, as adults, should not be setting such an example, "Why did you decide to eat it with your fingers instead of with a clean fork?"
My husband, "Because bobbing for meat never caught on?"
QOTD: "Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." ~ Bill Cosby (b. 1937) American Actor, Comedian and Producer
24 January 2010
It finally came to me that I can not MAKE my children do anything any more. I simply have to explain the consequences of each of the possibilities they might choose.
I have learned much from my dear sister Suzanne. When she asked one of her sons to do something and it didn't get done she would ask if they were SURE they didn't want to do it?
"No, I want to go play outside."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do."
"No, you don't. You just told me you didn't want to do this chore thereby telling me you didn't want to do anything and that's OK. You don't have to do ANYTHING. Just sit down in that chair right there until everyone has finished all the chores."
"Let me finish this real quick and I'll have time to talk to you and answer your questions."
It didn't take long for the boys to figure out that she will find chores till bed time. They are now VERY wary when she says... "Are you SURE you want to do that?" It really makes them think about consequences. I wish I were as diabolical as her when it comes to thinking up what a child dreads as a punishment. Oh the stories I could tell....
QOTD: About behavior... "The type that makes me laugh and cry and scream and double over and dance and walk and spit and live and die and give birth and think and stop and go and read and go comatose." Lori Ann Felker
22 January 2010
21 January 2010
A very long time ago, a fellow blogger friend introduced me to TUT... A Note from the Universe. (BTW, TUT stands for Totally Unique Thoughts). Every day I get a note that is by turns humorous, insightful and deeply thought provoking. Sometimes we all need a positive pick me up. If you go to the link you can sign up for your own TUTs. As for today's note?
19 January 2010
"Were I to find him in the wild being torn apart alive by rabid dogs, I'd merrily sell popcorn."
"You are a sleezy, slimy, sticky, stinky, scum bucket full of maggot vomit and horse poo."
"If you're going to be two faced then, sweetie, at least let one of them be pretty." (Kelly: OMG!!! This one is sooo bad!!)
"If I throw a stick, will you leave?" (No, Kelly... this one is sooo bad!!!)
"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
"You are the ignoble, ignorant, illiterate, incestuous, illegitimate progeny of parents who belong to the phyla insecta."
"Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."
"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
"You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication."
"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
"If you had half a brain, it'd be lonely..."QOTD: "If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved." J. Russell Lynes (b.1910) American Writer
18 January 2010
16 January 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Yesterday, I wrote a very short post and got more visitors than usual, but only one comment.
But, there are days when hardly anyone stops by and I get a pile of comments.
What is that? Seriously.
So, here's my question to you:
Would you rather...
... have very few visitors who leave lots of comments on your blog?
... have TONS of visitors who leave very few comments?
With love, from Roses at 7:00 AM
QOTD: "Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true." ~ Charles Dickens
Leonardo da Vinci: "Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen."
Cyril Connolly: "Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
F. Scott Fitzgerald: "You don't write because you want to say something; you write because you've got something to say."
G. K. Chesterton: "There is a great deal of difference between the eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read."
Mark Twain: "It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."
Ben Franklin: "Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing."
Joseph Pulizter: "Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it, and above all, accurately so they will be guided by its light."
Jack London: "You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."
13 January 2010
Are you or someone you know a prankster? And I don't mean in a mean or malicious way. I mean funny, but not humiliating or destructive behavior. Just a "gotcha" kind of funny? I figure I would post this and see if there are many people in the world like my husband. I would love for you to post in the comments, which one you thought was most funny and why...
So after he was finished and the laughter had died down, I said, "No, the other prank."
He turns to me and says, "Which one?"I just rolled my eyes and asked myself the question... 'Do I really want to know just how many different pranks he has played?' OK. I admit it. It was only a split second decision that this was a no-brainer. Of COURSE I want to know. I love how he can make me and everyone around him laugh.
"Well, just how many pranks have you done?"
I get this blank look and a "I don't know. I can't remember all of them."
So the following post is about pranks my husband either pulled or was the inspiration for.
Airman's Lesson In Keeping Track Of Wallet...
Nowadays the military has tightened the ability to access it's computers. You must put your military ID into a card reader in order to log on. Many of the gentleman at my husband's office lay their wallets on the desk when using their ID cards. Occasionally one will put their card back in their wallets but forget to put the wallet back into their pocket. Or, a very big no-no, they turn their backs on their computer without removing the card.
In an attempt to discourage this kind of behavior in one particular offender, my husband decided to do something the Airman (and all the other co-workers) would not forget for a while.
This Airman was a BIG baseball fan. He was taking his girlfriend (that he was planning on dumping just before his next trip... yeah, not a wonderful male specimen in my mind but pretty normal for many young guys) to a local game. My husband called the office at the stadium that handled scoreboard messages. He got the name and number of the agent and the cost of a message. (My husband is not anything if not thorough with the details. Can you see where this is going?)
So he types up a FAKE e-mail receipt using this Airman's name and his credit card number (from the credit card he left on the desk next to his wallet) with a confirmation number for the scoreboard message of, "Will you marry me [girlfriend's name]?" He then crumple's the paper and then carefully places it on the floor next to the guy's trash can with his name clearly visible.
A few hours later, there is a commotion in this Airman's office. My husband walks over to 'watch the show'. Everyone is giving this kid advice on calling the stadium to cancel the order, etc. The Airman dials the number on the confirmation. Get's the correct office but the agent just happens to be out to lunch. The other agent can't find the scoreboard message request and suggests the Airman call back in a half hour.
Within 15 minutes, he has wound himself up so tightly that my husband takes pity on him and confesses all. This Airman does not believe that my husband didn't actually call and ORDER the message. (Truly not my husband's style... he's never malicious in his pranks. He just likes to set the stage well) My husband suggests he check with the credit card company and the stadium to ease this guys fears and even though he does so, he was still worried until after the fourth inning of the baseball game when they post these messages.
They do not have a big problem with leaving cards around anymore, I am happy to report.Las Vegas, The Drunk Airman, and the Additional Charge Notice For a Phone Service...
My husband's co-worker was TDY (on temporary duty) out at Nellis AFB near Las Vegas, Nevada. He goes to town to watch the younger troops, mainly to keep them out of trouble since getting drunk or gambling is not something he enjoys to excess and does not want to have to bail anyone out of jail.Cell Phone Service...
So after having to clean up after and put to bed this one Airman, he sat down at his computer and using one of the many fliers that I guess you get in Vegas that list all sorts of services you can call for, wrote up what looked like a receipt on hotel paper (that they kindly provide in the suits). Now this is a family blog so I will leave the rest to your imagination about the services but the bill he typed out stated the hotel would have to charge his credit card an additional $49.95 for the phone service he had used the previous night. On the bill was the phone number but not the name of the company. (Just to be clear, their was never any charge. It was a fake receipt.)
This Airman woke up the next morning with a heck of a hangover and a hotel envelope (that they also provide in their rooms, isn't that nice?) that had been slid under his door.
Since he couldn't remember much of the evening before, he couldn't remember who he had called that the hotel would charge him an additional $49.95. So he called the number on the charge slip and listened to the 'receptionist' on the other end of the line before hanging up quickly.
This Airman was not married, engaged or even dating anyone so that was not what got him in a panic sending him to the co-worker's room to see if there was any way he could think of to make sure this charge was not listed to his credit card. His GOVERNMENT CREDIT CARD! You see, hotels and such are charged to a government credit card while you are temporarily stationed elsewhere. There are VERY strict rules about what can and can not be charged to these cards and the military keeps a close watch on itemized bills.
After teasing him a little more, the co-worker fessed up, told the Airman to catch a shower and then bought the now relieved Airman breakfast.
Leaving a cell phone around is also considered to be a big temptation sometimes for my husband. On most cell phones you can put messages on your main screen. Such as 'Stud Muffin', 'My Little Cabbage Leaf', 'Honey Bun', 'Sweetie Pie', etc.The Wonderful World of Spell Checker... Or Not...
But what if you put "Replace Battery" there instead? (Just do not ask me who he did this to... I sometimes think that my husband has the Terminator of Guardian Angels on his shoulders...)
You know when when you spell a word incorrectly in most word processing programs, the software automatically inserts the correct spelling. Most allow you to add words that are not already in it's dictionary or to change the spelling of any word that is.
Now imagine trying to type a report and every time you type the word "the", it is automatically changed to something that really is unprofessional such as "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy brown dog"?
I actually never could pry from my husband (or his boss, whom this was played on) just what he actually typed because every time I asked, he (and his boss) would laugh like a loon, turn red and change the subject. They are such guys!!!
Once, my husband went on to his boss' computer and pulled a prank that had his boss on the phone with the help desk for a half hour before he saw my husband walk past his doorway and knew he'd been had.
You see, my husband did a ctl prnt scrn on his boss' desktop, opened Paint (a graphics editing program), pasted the picture of the desktop, into the program, as a picture. Saved as [anyfilename].jpg. Closed program. Right clicked on the desktop. Went into properties. Changed the desktop to [anyfilename].jpg by browsing to where he saved the file and changed the background to that picture. Closed out the properties box. Right clicked on the desktop and made a new folder. Dragged all of the icons into it. Then moved it down to the bottom of the screen til it was out of sight.The Chia Pet...
If you do this, you will now have a picture of what your desktop USED to look like but all of your icons are just part of the picture. You can click on them all day with no results. You can turn your computer off, turn it back on and it will still look the same because it is the BACKGROUND. (btw, to fix this you simply pull the folder back up onto your desk top. Change your background and put your icons back to where you want them.)
One day my husband comes home with a computer keyboard, grass seed and a spray bottle filled with water. (after knowing him for over thirty years... and yes, he pulled pranks even as a kid... I have learned to sit down and ask questions)
Apparently the keyboard was broken and was being thrown away. My husband spreads the grass seed on it and waters it with the spray bottle while he is grinning like an idiot. (this is never a good sign)
I ask who the lucky recipient was and he says that it is one of co-workers that was retiring soon. I know this gentleman well. He is a very sweet man who has the unfortunate affliction of having very little hair on his head and enough hair on the rest of his body to look like a grizzly bear. The guys in the office affectionately call him their 'chia pet'.
My husband grew the grass and then one day while said recipient went to the bathroom, he exchanged the keyboards at this man's desk.Pictures Worth A Thousand Words...
The last time my husband went to the sand box, he did so with only one other member of his unit. He told me just before he left that he was leaving a little something for the rest of the unit just in case I should get a phone call.Come to think of it... my husband never said what was special about his welcome home and now that I think of it... I should call and ask him... no doubt it will be entertaining.
Turns out that he took a bunch of pictures and peppered them throughout the copier so that they would randomly appear on the back of someones report, letter or other document. He never said what the pictures were of but one of the times that his boss called to check on us, I had to ask.
As usual, he wouldn't tell me but he also couldn't stop laughing. I asked him if they missed my husband and he said that yes, they missed him but they were also planning a very special 'welcome home' for him.
QOTD: "A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life." ~ Hugh Sidey (1927-2005) American JournalistInportant NOTE: I feel compelled to warn those who might read this post and want to use some of these pranks on others. The guys in my husband's shop are often pulling pranks on each other. They are aware of each person's personality and when pranks are pulled, there is great care to cultivate an atmosphere where no one is humiliated, physically or psychologically hurt. There are those who would not appreciate the limelight and their wishes are respected.
Please take into account that there is a time and place for everything in order to ensure the basic intention of these lighthearted pranks remains within these guidelines. Other than that... promote smiling, laughter and camaraderie.
Back when my mother had to have knee replacement surgery, I posted the following. I am working on a new post but just in case I can't finish tweaking it today... here's a humorous mental picture for you to enjoy. :o)
Have I mentioned my mother has a dog? A Pembroke Welsh Corgi who is so sweet. Fairly small. So quiet, So afraid of his own shadow. My sisters could not take care of him while my mother is not at home so we have him at our house....with four VERY unimpressed cats.
PS to my sister Suzanne - “People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life” :O)QOTD: “When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.” Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822) English Poet
06 January 2010
"WHEN did you serve?"
"20 years ago." (I actually cringed inside when she said this because I went IN to the AF 3 years BEFORE her. Time has certainly flown!)
Danielle said "She looks to be in her middle twenties but that if Aunt Kelly were God, there would be no wars."
"Nobody would want to get her mad! The bad guys would all be sitting in corners.....And everything would taste good." Danielle explained.
QOTD: "A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked." Unknown