11 June 2012

Humor To Lighten The Load...

I'm not doing 'serious' today, therefore I look to the wisdom of children. (I remember I was thinking of Mrs. Who when I first read these.) Can't remember where or when I came across this, but it's perfect for a day like today.  :)

Kids are pretty smart. Who said children are getting dumber every year? Check out the wisecracks below (along with the person in my family it most closely reminds me of) and judge for yourselves:

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.  (Nicole)

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George! (Danielle)
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me! (Danielle)

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are. (I can soooo see my husband saying this as a kid!  It reminds me of his manners...)  :)

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." (Nina)

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card. (This sounds a lot like Rachel) :)
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher...snakes don't have feet. (Erin)
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any. (This would be my husband's reply)

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." (This would again be Rachel... I love her memorable 'lovely semi-colon'.)

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money. (Erin)

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands! (This would be Nina)

I have now officially lost track of the amount of emergencies and adventures this family has had since my husband deployed (most of which will never grace this blog).  I'm beginning to feel hunted.  Now if you just can't stand not being a rubbernecker at the scene of the accident, look below the fold line, but I'll tell everyone else that if you want a safe car... get a Sonata! This is the third (and final) hit this car has taken since October 2011 and we all walked away just a little dinged (Nina, Erin and I).  As you can see from these pictures and the ones taken in October, this car has now saved five of our family member's lives. The second hit was a hit and run the week after my husband left... along with all three cars dying that same week of mechanical failures. After a very LONG list of life events that you never expected, you can see why I'd rather listen to the kids.  :)

09 June 2012

People Training For Dummies...


06 June 2012

The Lemon Stand Household A New Reality Show?

Rachel, "We really should have our own reality show. We're much more interesting than any of the other reality shows on TV."

Me, "We're really not all that funny"

Rachel, "Well, I think I'm funny."

She does have a point, I must admit.  She truly has inherited her father's dry sense of humor along with her own style of wit.  (Examples can be found here, here and here.)

As I'm typing this, I am now remembering the numerous amount of times when I have had to ask myself, "Just where does she come up with these things?" (not to be confused with the, "Just where does he come up with these things?" question) The answer, of course, is not far behind the question... her father has a twisted sense of humor and I've come to the conclusion that he is to blame not only for her genes, but also training her to be the perfect straight man to his warped wit. The speed at which these two can play off each other is truly dizzying at times... and most of the time... they are immensely funny.  So I want to be a fly on the wall when she asks her father to get on board with her idea.

QOTD: "I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it at any time!" Author Unknown