10 June 2011

Lemon Stand's A-Z Of Blogging...

Reasons I might not be able to blog:  [Warning: The passages in this color are random stray thoughts... it's more than obvious that I need to get out of my house more often and find 'adult' conversation opportunities...]
A) I am not able to blog because I am in Tahiti (without kids) lying on a beach (with umbrella, of course... because the 'lobster look' is soooo not me) with Mai Tai in hand, enjoying the honeymoon my husband and I never got to go on.

B) I am not able to blog because I have discovered one of our daughters could give Einstein a run for his money, but still can not find her bedroom floor.  [Mrs. Who - Thank you for showing me there IS hope... I wonder if she'll make a good marine... ;)]

C) I am not able to blog because Peter Jackson begged me to be an 'extra' elf in his film adaptation of "The Hobbit" which I immediately (duh), accepted.  I have been  flown to New Zealand and am currently in places that, happily, have no internet (or cellphone) service. [List of potential dwarves: Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey... hmmm... sorry... wrong list... my kids, Kelly's kids, VWBug's kids, Ack! Thbbbt's kids, Bou's kids, Meleah's kids, AFW's kids, AWTM's kids... etc., etc, etc... but not Sarah's baby daughter... she's too cute to be a dwarf... I wonder what J the large would look like as a dwarf... food for thought...]

D) I am not able to blog because I tripped over a chair at 3am about three months ago and felt my 'S' undershirt get a little dented and am now awaiting a new one.  [This is sooooo NOT AFW... she's much more graceful than I am and  although her undershirt recently needed mending, she didn't require the necessity of procuring a blacksmith's (or should that be farrier's in my case?) assistance to hammer things back into shape. Although... I'm a MUCH better patient than she is... why, no... my nose has always been this length, why do you ask?]

E) I am not able to blog because I have become a beanbag character in the video game, "Little Big Planet" where my mouth has been permanently zipped shut. [I had a dream about this and I know it doesn't take an expert to figure out where my mind was going with this...]
F) I am not able to blog because I have been doing extensive behavioral research on the good and bad habits of teenagers, particularly cutting.

G) I am not able to blog because I have run away from home (without laptop and cellphone) [Although, if I run away from home... I'd still have to take the kids with me which generally defeats the reward of working up a sweat...]

H) I am not able to blog because our cats ate my computer.  [The hairballs made up for it in entertainment value]

I) I am not able to blog because I have been determined not to be pathetic... especially in public.  I try to let idiots and politicians (oops... I'm repeating myself...) shine in that arena. [Pathetic is one of those words that is fun to say.  It's up there with tintinnabulation, troglodyte, pulchritudinous or petrichor.]

J) I am not able to blog because I have discovered the meaning of relativity. [Now if I could only discover a cure for our daughter's teenage years that doesn't include the extra-extra-large helping of PMS...]

K) I am not able to blog because I have started a grass roots effort demanding the scientific community return Pluto to it's full planet status.  At the VERY least, they need to stop describing Pluto as a dwarf planet. 'Horizontally Challenged' Planet is much more politically correct.  [It's bad enough that Pluto was kicked out of the high class of planet society.]

L) I am not able to blog because I have been memorizing every rap song known to man for future preservation.  I have plenty of time before Alzheimer's sets in...

M) I am not able to blog because I ruptured a disc in my lower back. [Ow]

N) I am not able to blog because I broke a vertebrae in my lower back. [Double-Decker Ow]

O) I am not able to blog because whilst lying flat on our living room floor, I discovered dust bunnies gathering an immense guerrilla army under our couch, readying for a home invasion.  I have been extremely busy planning the defense for all fronts. [Karen - Beware the bunny.  Kelly - you will NEVER have to fear the bunny because my kids are right about this]

 P) I am not able to blog because I have been taking stock of all the spider webs and paint necessities for the ceiling of our bedroom. ['Itsy Bitsy Spider' theme song playing in the background]

Q) I am not able to blog because I am being used as a human pincushion. (and they didn't even bother to stuff me first) [a box of chocolate eclairs would have been a lovely prelude along with massive doses of pain killers...]

R) I am not able to blog because my personal household Mt. Laundry has now reached Himalayan proportions. [I wonder what will happen when it hits the vacuum of space... will it get sucked up and disappear?  A true ray of hope...]

S) I am not able to blog because my kitchen floor has been torturing me with cries of anguish, just begging me for water (and a commercial vat of disinfectant) to save it.

T) I am not able to blog because the Zombie invasion has begun... [although... since they only eat brains, there are quite a few people I know who will be perfectly safe.]

U) I am not able to blog because although outdoor tornadoes have given us a break on stopping by for tea, it's brethren, the indoor tornadoes, have already done it's worst (or best as the case may be).  Disaster area achieved...  Category level  5.  [I'm pretty sure FEMA won't help monetarily with this cleanup either.]

V) I am not able to blog because I have been awaiting the return of my sense of humor.  Do not EVER let your kids borrow it.  It takes forever to find it again in their bedrooms. [I have discovered that if you WAIT for your sense of humor to return... it never will... so you have to get off your posterior (another fun word to say) and find it... or better yet... go where ever your sense of humor takes you... just remember to still have dinner on the table at six pm.  Humor needs sustenance (another fun word... just sayin').]
 
W) All of the above.
 
X) All of the above  except for L [I'm not a masochist]

Y) Some of the above.
 
Z) None of the above.

See below FOLD LINE to see how many you guessed correctly... 
FOLD LINE

 W is the answer if this were a hypothetical question, but for my current reality diorama of life in our household... it would be:


B, D, F, I, J, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, U, Y (Although I'm still contemplating K)

3 Intelligent Comments:

Karen said...

Should I bring the eclair's soon? I know where to get some good ones.

Lemon Stand said...

Kelly got me hooked on these little mini eclairs in the frozen food section of the grocery store. Utterly to die for... But any eclair would be marvelous if you were to deliver it in person. We'd love to see you. :)

Amber said...

Oh Lemony. Definitely double-decker OW! I'd be more than willing to join you in the Pluto fight. PS, how old am I that I made the statement to Pnut "when I was your age, Pluto was a planet"? Ick.

I hope you heal quickly, and in the meantime enjoy the groovy bird feeder. VERY pretty! 10 points for the littles.