History Class Blues...

     It's difficult to enjoy a class that you hate for whatever reason. I've been aware that our daughter, Erin, despised her American History class, but didn't dislike her teacher.  She's been pretty vocal about her aversion to studying about the World Wars.  So it came as no surprise that the letter she's required to write in class to tell her parents/teacher how she feels about what and how she is doing, was along those lines. However, her dry sense of humor caught me by surprise. At least she's honest. (I wish all things could be fixed with afternoon tea)

...I think that WWII is depressing and that humans are horrible and people should just go eat ice cream, cookies, cake, candy and drink tea and coffee. Mostly tea though...

QOTD: "There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a nice cup of tea." ~ Bernard-Paul Heroux , Philosopher

Latin Education, Catapults and Mondays...

This is what I thought of when our kids wanted to learn how to make catapults...

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.

I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head

This is what you get from offspring who are related in any way to my husband. He, of course, would be out there to help build them and give pointers on what makes the best ammunition. Get him together with his siblings and you'd have a catapult convention to engineer a better catapult and lessons on how to choose the most aerodynamic rocks. Add in all the offspring for loading and spouses for food and we'd have a barbecue worthy of the Fourth of July.

It's a Monday. One must ponder things like this on Mondays to keep one sane. 

Have a Happy Monday!

Education, Sucking Wounds And Pickup Lines...

 I find it interesting how some of our family conversations never do change, and how some of the family conversations will never happen again now that our kids have grown up a bit. There are some things that I definitely miss, and others that are a relief to be at an end. But sometimes? It's hard to tell just what category to put them in.

As an example is a dinner conversation our family had back in March of 2007. Ages ranged between 8 and 15. Six years really has made a difference in the content of our discussions... and though most of their friends are still not quite brave enough to eat at our house, there have been a few that not only have accepted dinner invitations, but have actually come back again. I do like and am relieved in that aspect of our family life. I was beginning to think we might be boring, too tame or normal.

Nicole, "I learned in biology today that if you get shot in the abdomen you should stick your finger in the hole so you don't end up with an extra nostril."

What do they teach in biology class these days?

Husband, "I believe you are talking about a sucking chest wound where you are losing air through a hole in the lung. Believe me you would be better off putting the cellophane wrapper from cigarette box or even your driver's license against the wound and wrapping it tight to seal off the wound."

Me, "I've heard that using a tampon in the entry hole of a bullet wound will help seal it until you can get the victim to the hospital. I imagine it depends on the kind of wound though."

Danielle, "Guys don't carry tampons around."

Me, "Maybe they should? Might help them get in touch with their feminine side."

The Husband is giving me his NO WAY IN [fill in the blank] look...

Erin, "He'd have to change it every day. Do guys know how to change tampons?" 

 At eight years old she has a very basic understanding of what a tampon is and what it is used for but darn you should have seen the most serious look on her face. I had a really hard time, not laughing.

Husband, "I've heard that you should NEVER trust anything that bleeds for a week and still lives."

**Roll of eyes** 

So I try to change the subject in interest of peace and family harmony.

Me to Husband, "Do you know how long a cat's life is on average?"

Husband, "Depends on if he get's up on the counter again." 

(This makes a little more sense when you know that one of our feline's name is "Cat".... or "Catoid" or if he is being particularly obnoxious "Catastrophe". He is also the one who often has to go into the feline witness protection program... usually because the husband has witnessed him clawing, pooping or peeing where he shouldn't be so he has to hide until the husband cools down.)

Sigh. Someone else's turn to change the subject....

Danielle, "Dad, I heard the greatest pickup line today at school... Did you sprain anything falling down from heaven?"

Husband, "If you EVER fall for that line, I will personally 'sprain' you! And just so you know the best pickup line is... I love your dress... it would look great on my bedroom floor."

Danielle, "That can't be the best pickup line. I wouldn't fall for it."

Husband, "I was pretty sure you were smarter than that. I think the point is to not bother with guys who use pickup lines. He is obviously trying for a quantity of relationships... not quality and who wants to be one more unmemorable sucker?"

Tip to our daughters... If you want to meet someone, just strike up a conversation. If you are nervous, just start by asking for the time. Don't let someone insult your intelligence by giving you a slick as snot attitude pick up line. It only shows how truly expendable you are to them.

And never underestimate a father's inquisitiveness about potential future boyfriends... As much as you girls are "Daddy's girls" and have him wrapped around your little fingers.... it is doubtful that any boy will pass muster without learning from your Daddy himself, just what would happen if said boy didn't adhere strictly to the rules of gentlemanly behavior.

That said, I promise to try my best to keep him from pulling out the big guns or worse, the photo album...

QOTD: "When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of cap-less shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States." Erma Bombeck, American Humorist (1927-1996)

The Lemon Stand Pep Talk...

Our daughter, Nicole, is about to graduate from cosmetology school with far better grades than she has ever had. I suspect this is because it is something that she really likes to do (and having 4 other sisters to practice on over the years probably didn't hurt).  Although it seems a little strange at first to have my hair done at home, I think I can honestly say that I could get used to the perks of having a daughter willing to do this for me and especially where I don't have to wait for an opening at the hairdressers (and I think Nicole appreciates the fact that I still pay her the going rates because she does still have student loans to pay off).  All of our kids have learning weaknesses and Nicole is no exception, but she has discovered her niche and overcome a lot to achieve her success.  She has worked hard and I have no doubt that she will attain whatever goal she chooses next to pursue.  I also have no doubt that she will always be successful by using this same formula of success that is uniquely Nicoles'. We could not be more proud of her.

Our daughter Rachel has started to receive college acceptance letters for art schools along with some very nice dean's scholarships for her high grade point average.  There is no doubt she is extremely talented. She has worked very hard to get where she is, although some might think her dyslexia is a major weakness, her cleverness in getting around it is one of her major strengths along with an extremely impressive work ethic. We have never had to get on her about homework.  (I have no idea where this gene she got came from. I certainly cannot claim the same drive to succeed that she has) In fact, she puts us to shame as parents in not asking often enough if she needs any help or encouragement to achieve and remain at the level she has elevated herself to.  She has done this on her own.  

How successful? Well, if you happen to be in Boston for the next month or so, some of her artwork is being shown publicly with others that have won honors with their artistic abilities from the Boston Globe's Annual Art and Writing Contest. One of her works will continue on to the national level in New York City.  (She obviously did not get this gene directly from her father or I, although her Aunt Laurie is very artistically gifted. I also see the irony in the first school to accept her was the same school my father turned down a full ride art scholarship to.)

I want to mention that our daughters Danielle and Nina are no less successful for wanting to take time off from school to figure out what direction they want to pursue. Sometimes, knowing when to take a step back and look at the big picture of where you are and where you want to be, is the best first step in figuring out how to get there.  Many people get to this point and stop indefinitely. The trick is to not give up.  Figuring out a goal and then working out how to achieve it is one of the hardest lessons in life and the harder it is to achieve, the more it is appreciated when you've arrived.  Ladies, we are no less impressed and proud of all you have done to this point.  Don't lose hope or belief in yourselves.  Keep telling yourself that you can be discouraged tomorrow after you have turned the next corner to see what it holds and if it is not all you hoped for, then keep putting one foot in front of the other because another corner is just up ahead.  You can only lose in life if you give up and if you feel you are close to that line, you need only ask yourself if you really want to give up all your hopes and dreams based on what has already happened or is it worth it to you to keep trying, no matter what.

To all of our daughters. Life is all about brick walls and how you handle them. If you come to a roadblock, you are lucky.  Roadblocks mean that you are learning and growing and gaining the knowledge necessary to learn how to get past them.  This is a good thing.  Don't ever look at a dead end as the end.  It is, only if you let it be.  It isn't, if you don't let it be. It is only a lesson, so learn it and move on.  Those who are successful look back on all those lessons as the foundation of steps it took to get to where they wanted to be.  Keep on stepping lively.  You DO have what it takes to reach for a dream and make it come true.

There have been many times in my life when I wished I had had my own cheering section. To have learned these lessons of success before I hit my 40s.  Alas, I have learned that you are never too old to make one's dreams come true or to learn that if you are making mistakes that it is a good thing, because it means that you are trying. If I never teach you anything else, the lesson I hope you all learn is that you can only fail in life if you don't try. I can guarantee it won't be easy, but I can also guarantee it will be worth it.

No. I am not lazy, I am just very protective of my seat...

I'm going to have to work really hard to stay focused and actually get something done today. I have a very long list that keeps getting longer. 

Note to self: Some kids today, "Instead of doing my homework; I like to stay on the computer and worry about how much homework I have to do." In all fairness I must to admit it is WAY too easy to waste an entire morning or even day on a computer, which is fine if you are getting paid to do it, but that is not a likely scenario. As an adult I should have more self control to focus on more Important things. In the words of Gloria Pitzer (we would have gotten along famously), “Procrastination is my sin. It brings me naught but sorrow. I know that I should stop it. In fact, I will--tomorrow”

Stray thought for the day...  I'm not having much luck at that whole self control thing this morning.  Do you know? I think I could really be a morning person... If morning happened to be around noon. Sigh

I have a house to clean and it's probably a very good thing that we don't have cable TV... because then I could sit down and watch Hoarders and not feel quite so inadequate. 

I have clothes to wash, dry and fold but although we are firmly entrenched in the 21st century, there is still no FOLD button on our dryer.

At the moment? All I really want to do is go back to sleep.  Although I also must admit that having had a dream about past English teachers last night almost makes me rethink the whole going back to bed thing... ALMOST. 

I know this is going to sound... well odd, but whenever I think of laziness I think of The Dead Poets Society. There is a point in the story in which the new English teacher tries to convince his all male student class body that an English essay homework assignment did not have to be akin to a death sentence. 

“So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won’t do in your essays.” ~  N. H. Kleinbaum, Dead Poets Society

I know I just have to find the right motivation as I can not use a cattle prod as an incentive to my backside. I'm too old to do a pretzel impersonations.

And I truly hope none of my past English teachers ever have the opportunity to read any post I have written on my blog, but just in case one should ever chance upon it?  I just want it to go down on record that I publicly exonerate you from any and all blame.  I had wonderful English teachers who really did teach me the correct use of the written English language.  The sentence structure and punctuation found amongst most of my posts would have earned me an 'F' (and a lecture) should I have ever had the lack of intelligence to hand in any assignment riddled with these flaws with them.  

I know this.  I want to make sure anyone else chancing upon my blog is aware that it's purely because I'm lazy (ok, I'll admit it) and not some maladjusted academic failure.  

Honest.  I'm just lazy.  

Look at the mess I have made of this post thus far.   Now that I think about this, if you had ever been my English teacher, you would already be extensively acquainted with my educational shortcomings. It is also possible, given my age, that a few of those English teachers may be rolling in their graves at my egregious annihilation of the written word... but may I point out that I do know what a real dictionary and thesaurus looks like and even how to use them without the help of Google.  So I guess it's all good... feel free to ignore this post and carry on...

Quote of the day: "Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it 'selective participation'"

(In the interest of complete attribution, picture above came from uberhumor.com, and I'm not as witty today as I should be and so I stole borrowed quotations which had unknown authors, unless the owner is cited)

Technology Is My Friend?

It's computer time here. Or should I say lack thereof? We started a snowball with one car accident with one of our daughters. The next day, my husband and another daughter, were in my car when they had a fight with a falling tree...  and didn't win the argument.

So many other things have suddenly decided to come for an extended stay with our family, that I am overwhelmed. SO. Everyone is doing fine... however, since chipping a bone off and herniating a disk in my back last February... somehow the TAXES never got filed! Just wanted everyone to know that all is well except for the entire family's filing skills. You do NOT want to know where I have been finding missing documents and receipts. If you have never heard of a Pulse (or Echo) pen by Livescribe... you should check it out. It is saving our collective hides and shortening my tax imposed stay glued to mountains of paperwork! (between organizing, putting lists together and recording (by voice) my very creative use of verbiage about all the places I have already searched... it also does something I never knew it could... I just have to write an equation on a piece of paper and it tells me the answer automatically... how cool is that?)

Anyway, I know I am known as the Queen of avoiding anything that looks like technology of any form. (understatement of the year) I just want to let everyone feel my pain of technology by watching this 6th grader... absolutely unbelievable!

Do Not Let Your Children Try This Without Duct Tape...

I have found a treasure trove of posts from the old Lemon Stand blog.  So I have rediscovered a few subjects worthy of a more thorough insight.  After all, time and experience surely makes perspective an interesting phenomena.

A few years ago, one of my favorite bloggers, Air Force Wife,  wrote an incredibly funny post entitled Shakin' My Groove Thang about her relationship with exercise.  I remember commenting in jest that my groove thang had (in relation to exercise) geliophobia, ophthalmophobia and catagelophobia. (fear of being ridiculed, stared at and laughed at) I had looked up the definitions at a website called The Phobia List.  In reality, I am truly claustrophobic and agoraphobic, so I have a close personal relationship with fears.  Now, I know this site was not intended to be humorous, but I just had to laugh when I realized, that yes, there are possibly worse things to be afraid of, especially if you have children like mine...

I am so glad they never found that web page.  Just think.  I might have had to try matching wits with a child [Erin] who'd claimed she was ablutophobic (fear of washing or bathing) or hydrophobic (fear of water) as an excuse for exemption from utilizing a bathtub or shower stall.   

I can clearly imagine Danielle trying to justify skipping school because she was didaskaleinophobic (fear of going to school) or possibly sophophobic (fear of learning).  It was more likely that she'd had an important test she didn't study for (I guess that might be blamed on being testophobic?).

With as much as our kids argue debate, I really would have had to get a law degree, just so I could prepare a really good case of parental abuse.

When they were young, they all went through the stage of not wanting to wear clothes.  As teenagers, they have all acquired vestiphobia (fear of clothing), because getting them to pick up their dirty clothes?  Well, let's just say that MY Mt. Laundry has been worn down to an easily climbed hill since they were all told to wash their own laundry.  I believe this came as quite a shock at first because they do not have (nor have they ever had) automysophobia (fear of being dirty), rupophobia (fear of dirt), ataxophobia (fear of disorder or untidiness), or rhytiphobia (fear of getting wrinkles).

Can you get a clear mental picture of the problems this might also pose for poor unsuspecting teachers?

"I sorry Mr. Pruitt. I can't possibly write this essay for a final exam... I have testophobia (fear of taking tests), scriptophobic (fear of writing in public) and papyrophobic (fear of paper)."

Like I said, I now feel that there are worse things to be afraid of...  Still, I'm pretty sure I could have held my own (mostly) before the eldest children graduated from High School.  The younger ones are hereby warned that any attempt in this direction of behavior will yield that universal answer to just about everything... duct tape.   I certainly think that merinthophobia (fear being bound or tied up) could possibly be in the future of the child who wishes to test the limits on this... 

QOTD: "I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone." Tallulah Bankhead (1903-1968) American Actress

The Dangers Inherent In Using Your Mother' s Cell Phone To Post Comments On Your Tumbler Account...

Danielle decided to force herself to attend Driver's Ed. so that she can become one of the mobile masses. To limit the pain of this adventure she elected to take the classroom portion in one fell swoop in a one week long torture session.  Day one of this vacation was postponed due to inclement weather.  Go figure.  Eight inches of snow A little bit of snow and the area businesses roll up their welcome mat.  OK.  Maybe it was a little more than a little bit of snow relatively speaking since most of our town did not get hit as hard as everywhere around us.

Kelly, who lives in a city about two and a half hours southeast of us, were blessed with more than a foot (that would be twelve inches for those individuals like myself who are measurement challenged) of the fluffy white stuff than we did and SHE still went to work.   (of course that may have been because there are no dirt roads in a city... and they have more than one snowplow...and they do not live in mountain territory... and they have smaller paved driveways than we do)

Back to Danielle's Adventure in the land of higher education...

Day TWO, that would have been yesterday, was a very bad, no good, sucks to be her kind of day... at least from Danielle's perspective.  Although it did start off with a large cup of coffee for her, apparently, that was the only high point in her day.

Danielle didn't get to eat breakfast because she couldn't drag her butt out of bed in time for a shower and food.

She got to the school which is three towns south from us and I got to drag MY butt out of bed to drive her a little early.  Now normally, this would be a plus, but not when it is about twenty degrees Fahrenheit outside, a wind chill factor of about zero, wet hair from morning shower... and an office that does not open until precisely 8am.  Danielle is, however lucky enough to not have a mother like all the other fifteen and a half year old cretins (which couldn't possibly be true since you can't get a driver's permit in this state until you are almost seventeen years of age) according to Danielle (who is 'well' over the age of eighteen... by about four months) students who didn't just quickly dump their kids off to fend for themselves in this frozen wilderness... (apparently the reason for this became quite clear within about the first five minutes of class...) and who, instead, just cranked up the heater.

Danielle's class gets a ten minute break after two hours... with a bathroom that is not easily found. Ah, the tortures that coffee drinkers must endure at times makes me delighted I am not one of the addicted caffeine addicts. 

After another two hours of Danielle getting hit by flying airplanes, bits of rolled up paper, intense juvenile conversation loud enough to drown out the sound of the teacher's monotone and an unknown girl who likes to just glare at Danielle for no apparent reason intense elucidation for her classmates, a ten minute break that was very kindly extended to fifteen minutes which I suspect the teacher wasn't used to escape the mongrel hoards was bestowed upon these grateful and studiousspecimens of intelligence students for their lunch break.

Danielle forgot to bring a lunch.  Like I said, the morning cup of coffee was the high point of her day, because although her kind and thoughtful Mother brought her lunch (and another coffee), Danielle used my phone to do some texting.  Did I mention her cell phone battery died sometime during the class?  No escape from the unrelenting pain.  

Unfortunately, also for Danielle, her Mother (that would be me) decided to torture my best friend text Kelly who was at work and who can't respond to my texts.  Which was actually a high point I used to look forward to during my own day since I would try very hard to write things just to make her roll her eyes at me.  Yes, I know I am not actually there to see it... but the mental image is rather entertaining.  After yesterday, I have been banned from texting her at work.  Sigh.  I shall miss it until I can come up with a new idea.

When waking up my phone revealed that my daughter was not just texting... she was posting on her tumbler account.  I normally would have just shut it down and moved on to my morning endevor when the capitalized text caught my eye.  I had to laugh.  It's nice to know Danielle has strong, supportive girlfriends who can help her get through those tough times life has to offer.  So I asked if I could post the short communication here (protecting the not necessarily innocent, of course)

Friend:⁠ mon dani? is that you? art thou really there? don’t worry, i am getting on my noble steed (that may or may not be a plastic figurine) and am on my way!

Danielle: I am about to commit mass murder so you might want to hurry up with that. These children are demons. I’m gonna start throwing salt everywhere.

Friend: I’M STUCK IN STEED TRAFFIC! And you know how it is when you’re the only one with a noble steed and everyone is having a go at you…

Friend: THROW THE SALT. THROW IT.

Danielle: my hero! I await your arrival with baited breath!

Danielle: I’m going to keep the salt until I need to make my escape. I’m in the back of my classroom.

Friend: Oh if you’re at the back of the classroom then this would be a good time to deploy your zappy green lazer things! I implanted them in your brain for Christmas~

Friend: Be strong! You will survive! For tumblr and for Narnia!

I must go now... time for Danielle's day number three... (Still wondering when day number one is going to actually happen)

QOTD: "A day without sunshine... is night, actually." ~ Cheryl Caldwell from 'Follow Your Dreams (Except For That One Where You Go To Work Naked And Dance The Polka)'

Moose, Wolves, Milkbones And Pork Chops...

My notebook is full of stray comments and stories just begging to be told but I don't want to give it all away in one very long post. These are things that I should take time to savor...

Actually, I'm just plain rationing myself so I can recall them through this next school year. All our kids are now living at home with the three eldest attending college so you can see where I might need the comic relief. Danielle and Nina have decided to go to Community College to get their basic courses out of the way while saving up for their last two years of college at the more expensive schools they were accepted by and really wanted to go to. Danielle, Nina and I spent the entire day from early this morning till this evening bouncing between offices and frantically filling out paperwork that had somehow been lost or forgotten about. Nicole at least seems to be handling the process in a much more organized manner than the rest of us.

A few witticisms to share from various relatives while on vacation... Who said what and to whom shall remain a mystery to protect the not so innocent...

"Well, I guess it's time to dress you in a pork chop suit and send you out into wolf territory."

"A word of advice, 'It's a dog eat dog world and we're all wearing milk bone underwear.'"

"She doesn't want to see, hear, or say anything unless it involves a side order of french fries."

"It's okay. There is no need to be afraid of the moose here. I've talked to them and they say that as a professional courtesy for a former herbivore, they respect you and wouldn't think of charging you... besides, moose will only charge you if they can't find an ATM..."

"Just step away from the bacon!"

"Could you go with your sister and take her for a walk... and maybe you could find a fire hydrant nearby... just in case..."

"You definitely lost that argument. You don't have a leg to stand on so just call yourself Gimpy, get yourself a cane and call it a day."

"My teacher has a way of dealing with immature boys. She wears earplugs."

QOTD: "Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake." ~ Pooh’s Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne

To my niece Katie's two roommates... Katie gave me blanket permission to become my blog fodder on occasion, which, since you live with her, makes you a package deal. Just like Santa, I make a list and check it twice (I wouldn't want to leave anything out...). Still, I thought it only fair to warn you... and to figuratively throw Katie under the bus. :o) ~ Love, the Wicked Aunt...

(Katie and Rachel. Picture taken by Nina)

The Advantages of Dyslexia...

I wrote a post about four years ago about our family's experience with dyslexia and although my old blog is gone, this is one post I had saved.  I recently asked our daughter Rachel if she would mind me revisiting it.  She had agreed the first time around but it's been about four years since then and as you can imagine, this is a sensitive subject for her.

I'm going to update it with some newer experiences but one of the reasons I wanted to re-post this is because there are so many parents of children with learning differences who need to know that how you approach and handle your child's difficulties, will either inspire confidence, frustration or anxiousness in your child and how they learn to deal with the obstacles he/she faces.  I think this is probably true of any kind of obstacles all children must learn to deal with.  When it comes to learning differences of many kinds in our family, my husband and I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt, mug and bumper sticker. (as I told someone recently)

No.  We were not born knowing this.  In fact, as our daughter, Rachel, can tell you, we pretty much learned this lesson after the fact but it is my hope that perhaps this experience will help others.

As we head into a new school year, Rachel is starting a new school. Middle School can be intimidating but I know that after the first few weeks, everything will be just fine.

I had a brother-in-law who had dyslexia so I wasn't totally clueless about it when Rachel was diagnosed with it in second grade. At first I was very worried. As anyone with a learning difference can tell you, working on something that is extremely difficult for you but seems so easy for the other kids around you,  in the words of Rachel, "Sucks". But isn't it like that with everyone's weaknesses?  Every single person on the planet has both strengths and weaknesses.

So she struggled through second, third, and fourth grades. In grade five, there were several major milestones. First, we all discovered that Rachel, because of her dyslexia, processed information differently from the other students. She thinks 'outside the box'.  This is actually a little hard to explain but her teacher told us about his observation of Rachel throughout the year.  At the beginning of the year, when the class was given a problem to solve, they would all throw out ideas and maybe add to others ideas.  Rachel would listen and when it was her turn she would unconsciously organize their thoughts and then explain why a certain plan would or wouldn't work or contribute an alternative solution.  Her teacher said he noticed right away that she came up with answers that he had never thought of. Or she would arrive at the correct answer but doing so by using a different method of solving a problem than he or the other kids might have come up with.  So he became curious about the situation.

By the end of the year, Rachel's class had started to look to her to organize the thoughts of the other students in a discussion and listen to her make sense of what the class was trying to express.   Often she would suggest an alternative and explain to her classmates the advantages and disadvantages of the possible answers.  This ability was further refined in sixth grade when she participated in a program called Odyssey of the Mind. (More on this later...)

So back to fifth grade. There are many forms of dyslexia and although Rachel's uncle also had dyslexia, it was different from Rachel's obstacle.  His problem was with reading.  His mind would swap around letters so that he couldn't read words because they always looked different each time he would read the same word.   In Rachel's case, she could read but when she tried to write, she couldn't organize the letters into words.  So her weakness essentially was that she could not write down what the problem and solutions were even though she knew the answers. Nobody could read her explanation of a problem or answer due to her spelling. Even she couldn't tell what she had written at times. She was understandably frustrated and depressed.

To get around this we tried to have her type into a word processing program so that she could use the spell checker. This does not work because you have to be able to tell which spelling you wanted for the context of the sentence. (see/sea, there/their, to/two/too) Your spelling also had to be somewhat in the ballpark for the program to know what word you want to spell.

This seemed to be a dead end. Then we discovered that if she used a speech recognition program, most of the time it would choose the correct spelling for the context.

Last year, Rachel's Odyssey of the Mind team won the State challenge in their category and was to advance to the National meet. (For reasons beyond the team's control, this did not happen but it was not because of anything the team did or didn't do. To be honest, they were happy with their win at the state level and I can't tell you how proud we were of all of them!)

The second milestone that happened was that Rachel discovered Harry Potter. When I asked her what advice she would give other people with dyslexia, she said emphatically to me, "Tell them to read Harry Potter!" By the time Rachel struggled through the books in the series that were available back then, she was ready and desired to read other books.  Although she doesn't read as many books as her sisters (we are all voracious readers), the number is still above the average child.  She could probably even surpass them if she didn't like to spend so much time drawing.

So as we head into seventh grade this year, we have finally learned that Rachel can do something that rarely can be taught... to 'think outside the box'... and she has a way to work around her weak spot with software. Wish I could do that with math!

I now get irritated when anyone calls her learning difference a 'disability'!  It's because of dyslexia that she thinks and solves problems the way she does.  That girl can run rings around everyone and although she has to work a little harder to put it down in words, she's already got the hardest part whipped!

So today, I would like to wish her good luck for this new school year, but I know that she will shine even brighter!

So now fast forward.  Rachel is about to become a Sophomore in High School come September.  She has not missed being on the honor roll even once since she started seventh grade and although she rarely uses the speech recognition software (she hates), she has continued to write her assignments and has gotten even better spelling phonetically.  It isn't perfect but that's ok.  She has friends who help her by proof reading her assignments and when necessary, she has accommodations the school has provided to allow her to accomplish the same work as her classmates.  She has also been developing so many more talents.  Her artistic talent has continued to be perfected and has evolved into an amazing accomplishment.

I used to worry about Rachel the most of all our children but it's pretty difficult to worry about a child who works so hard at her classes, can think circles around most people, has a sense of humor that can always make those around her smile and laugh and is talented in so many things.  Rachel is going to be successful in anything she wants to be or do.

I guess what I have been trying to express is that, yes, there IS an obstacle and that must be addressed, but it is NOT what will define a child.  How that child handles the obstacle WILL.  As a parent, keeping this in mind, is probably the best advice I could give you.

QOTD: "Dyslexia means never having to say that you're yrros." Anonymous

Elvis Has Left The Building...

It is official...  Elvis has left the building.  Senior Prom is [finally] over.  I now have ONE week to clean my house from top to bottom.  Help organize the Graduation Party because not only are Danielle and Nina graduating but so is one of their cousins.  So the three girls are combining it all in to a Grand Affair.  [Actually, my sister-in-law and I need to get together to make it all come together...]

I know I need to get pictures up of the girls all dressed up posted here... and I will.   UPDATE: SEEEEEEEE......  Nicole made Danielle's beautiful green dress and helped Nina find  this cream one.  I'm so proud of all of them. 

I will even get pictures of our maple tree that was uprooted during the lightening storm night before last.  It narrowly missed the fence and truck.  We  happily have electricity again (finally) and so I am doing the Happy Snoopy Dance now that we can flush the toilet (we have an electric pump on our water well), take showers and wash clothes.  The kids, however, are only doing their own Happy Snoopy Dance because they have internet back.  (They think I have my priorities backward)  ::roll of eyes::  UPDATE:  Still working on the last two but will be trying again to fix it soon!

If you have ever had or been around kids near graduation time, you will know the chaotic miasma my life is in at the moment.  The kids and I are counting down the days til graduation but like the above Happy Snoopy Dance, it is for totally different reasons.  

So as soon as I get can spare a moment in my 'copious amounts of free time', I will add pictures to the post.

Oh.  And tell you about an incredible new story about a few ordinary people who win the 'You Make A Difference Award'...

Oh.  And our spanking new bathroom biological weapons warning alarm...

Darn it.  I don't have time to even look up a quote of the day...  So here is my mantra... from Alice in Wonderland...

QOTD:  "I'm late.  I'm late.  I'm late for an important date.  No time to say 'Hello', 'Goodbye', I'm late, I'm late, I'M LATE!!!!"

Conversations From The Dinner Table...

I had posted the following several years ago and it is pretty amusing in hindsight especially since our daughter Nicole is now in College. And no, she did not go to either school she described...  :o)

Rachel, "Mom, what did you do today without us getting in your hair?"

Nicole, "She was probably happily plotting our demise so she could extend the quiet time."

Me, "Nah, I wasn't plotting your demise... I was concocting new ways to torture you. Much more satisfying by drawing out the anticipation."

**Chorus of "MMMMOOOOOMMMMMM**

Me "Well, you did ask! What? You really didn't want to know?"

Why do kids do that?

After finally getting on with dinner and the usual questioning of how their day went in school, what homework they had, what activities do we need to schedule and budget for... our eldest daughter relayed a conversation she'd had with a friend of hers about college students.

Her facial expressions, tone and delivery were hilarious but since I did not have the foresight to record our dinner conversation (something I have often thought about doing for future comic relief) I will just have to give you the script version.

So that this will make sense, I will tell you that we live near a state university and five colleges. BIG University and Colleges. So the breed of college student thoroughly saturates the local population. There are two schools in particular that were discussed. For the purpose of this conversation, we'll call them University and College A.

The University just dropped out of the top ten PARTY Universities in the country. (after the University kicked out a bunch of fraternities) College A is an expensive and exclusive private college.

Nicole, "Do you know how you can tell the difference between University and College A students when they go to the Campus Bookstore?"

My husband, "Their sweatshirts?"

Nicole, "My friend who works at the bookstore says that when a University student comes in looking for a Psychology textbook and is told that they are in the basement of the building, the student hollers 'WOO HOO, University in the basement!' and they go down where there are a bunch of other University students and it immediately looks like they are having a party.'"

College A student comes in and says (in a young, scared, very whiny voice) "I've lost my syllabus. Do you have my syllabus? I don't know what book I need. (voice becoming progressively more panicked) Do you know what book I need? (thoroughly panicked) I can't find it and there are only six more days till class begins!"

"Meanwhile, in the basement, the University students have quickly selected their books so they can move the party to a more appropriate location."

QOTD: "Of course there's a lot of knowledge in Universities: the Freshmen bring a little in; the Seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates...." Dr. A. Lawrence Lowell

Evolve Already!!!

I sometimes forget how funny my kids can be, especially when it has been a long, frustrating and upsetting week.  But in the midst of it all this vacation week, was the following...

Our daughter Nina, spent the week at my sister Suzanne's house doing God knows what.  (Well, actually, God probably DOES know what, and so does my sister, but I am happy in my blissful ignorance...) I do know that she went four-wheeling, motor-biking, and played paint-ball with her cousin, Kasey.  (There was no mention of who kicked who's butt which makes me a little suspicious...)  There was a brief comment about cutting down trees and bonfires but truly, if you knew my sister like I know my sister... you NEVER ask for details because it usually involves something that will make your hair turn grey.  No, really.  I'm not joking.  I will never be as brave as my sister Suzanne.  She's the kind of person that doesn't just live life, she grabs hold of it and rings the very last possible drop of life out of it.  (I have to admit I'm a tad bit envious)

But truly, that woman scares me to death sometimes but the kids always seem to have a fabulous time up there and we have come to the unspoken agreement that what happens in Paris, stays in Paris, so to speak.  I must admit that she must be either slowing down (after all, she IS a whole ten and a half months older than me) or just getting better at hiding the bruises.  And stitches.  Have I mentioned the water skiing?  Or the sliding off the roof in a sled into a pile of snow? Or, perhaps, the mud... well, I better stop that thought and move on as I and the kids are going up there this Saturday for my nephew, Kasey's Birthday.  (Have I mentioned that she is diabolical in her revenge?)  :oP

So Nina got back Sunday morning and then Sunday evening we had dinner at my brother and sister-in-law's house.  The entire gang was not there as the two eldest girls of our families have moved out and gotten their own apartments.  It was great fun as my husband was there and was in good form.  While awaiting dinner, was the following conversation:

Our niece, was expressing her educational inner angst, "I hate high school.  It was a total waste of time.  I didn't learn anything."

My husband asked, "Well what was it you hoped to learn?"

To which she replied, "Nothing!"

"Well there, you see?  You should be thrilled, after all you met all of your expectations and I imagine even surpassed them."

In reality, our niece did pretty darn good because she got in to a wonderful college where she will be studying music.  One day, you will all hear some of her scores.  Just remember that you read it here first as I truly am proud of her and her accomplishments.  I was very serious when I told her mother that the one thing I will truly miss about becoming deaf (more on that later), will be listening to her play.  I especially love her mandolin but it is a close call to all the other instruments she plays.

So dinner was lovely and all the girls didn't pick on my lone nephew, too much.  I really feel a lot of sympathy for him as he is the lone male in a sea of EIGHT cousins of the female persuasion most of the time.  He definitely holds his own, though.  (especially now that he is getting taller)  That is not to say that he is the lone male.  He has two more male cousins... and three more female cousins who live further away.  Still, he seems happy in his own personal sea of women.

Since we no longer have a van, we have to travel in two vehicles when we go out 'en masse'.  On the way home I had Rachel, Nina and Danielle in the car with me and wasn't paying too much attention to the conversation due to the whiny sound coming from the seat next to mine.  (one thing I won't miss about going deaf)

I guess that Nina, after having a whole week without her sisters, says to Rachel over the whining, "Evolve Already!"

I burst out laughing.  It was priceless and has become my new favorite phrase for complaints!

So, all laughter aside.  I recently went to the Veteran's Administration for a new hearing aid.  I had to take the sound tests and got to enjoy the ear tampon thing.  Yes.  You read that description correctly.  What would you call it when they put a small cotton tube in your ear with a string attached to keep the mold goop from touching your eardrum and to be able to pull the mold out once it hardens?  Like I said, ear tampon.

In the past I have only had to wear a hearing aid in my left ear, but apparently my hearing is degrading far rapidly than it has up til now.  Not only will I have to wear two hearing aids soon, but was told, in all likelihood, I will be going deaf in the foreseeable future.  Although I'm pretty bummed about it, I keep remembering Danielle's conversation with her father and I have to laugh.  After all.  I've been blessed with beautiful daughters, a wonderful husband and an amazing family.  Life is good.  (After all, I still have my voice so that I can irritate my kids in my dotage.  That thought kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?)

So, I can either be depressed, or in the words of my daughter, Nina, I can 'evolve already'.  Although I must admit that it isn't as easy as it sounds... the spinning part makes me dizzy...

QOTD: "Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. And this is all very natural and organic and in tune with mysterious cycles of the cosmos, which believes that there’s nothing like millions of years of really frustrating trial and error to give a species moral fiber and, in some cases, backbone."  Terry Pratchett (b.1948-) English Writer

New Expressions...

As usual, the conversations of our kids continue to amaze me.  The new slang for this generation seems to be as odd as I remember back in my high school days but I did have to ask about one expression in particular.  Rachel was talking to Danielle and Nina and then said, "You feel me?"  I was just about to demand that they keep their hands to themselves when I realized she was just asking them if they understood her.  Huh.  And here I thought I was about to become a referee... again.  

Maybe they are finally growing out of that stage?  Naaaahhh.  That would be too much to wish for....

Since we live in New England, there are many expressions that are regional.  Like, "wicked cool," which has absolutely nothing to do with a bad cold.  (It actually is used to describe anything that is good, exciting or wonderful.  Kind of like the word "bad" is used in some parts of the country to mean something "good".)

Having lived in southern Florida, Colorado and Mississippi, I know there are also expressions unique to those areas as well but I must admit that I am most comfortable in a place where a coke or pepsi is actually a coke or a pepsi and not just a name for any flavor of soda.  Oh, and that soda is not a tonic, pop or soda pop which in my mind makes me think of a cold remedy, something that makes a loud noise when a balloon explodes or baking soda.

Give me grinders and frappes and let me send the kids into the basement through the bulkhead for the lawn chairs so that I can ingest the aforementioned food in blissful happiness on the lawn under our 150+ year old maple tree...

QOTD: "SLANG, n. The grunt of the human hog (_Pignoramus intolerabilis_) with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense." ~ Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) American Writer, Journalist and Editor from Devil's Dictionary

Graduating To A Nudist Colony?

Ahhhh.  The conversation at the dinner table tonight was not only scintillating, it was downright bizarre.  Which as anyone with a sense of humor knows, is an interesting combination...

The Lemon Stand household is getting ready for another family milestone.  Our eldest daughter, Nicole, graduated from High School last year and is doing wonderfully in a college nearby.  The next two are getting ready to join the masses of college students next fall.  They are graduating (barring any unforeseen pranks gone awry) this June and so I have not had a chance to blog lately.  College visits, college applications, college essays, college transcripts and recommendations.  I will soon, however, have a chance to come up for air and be able to spend more time on my blog.

Cutting to the good parts of the dinner conversation...

Erin to her father, "I'm never going to move away to go to college.  I'm going to live with you forever."  (At the age of 11, you can't truly imagine cutting the apron strings)

Father to Erin, "That's ok.  The day after you graduate I'm going to become a nudist.  I'll be free to walk around in my almost empty home in the buff all day long."

Erin to her father, "Eewwww!  I'll just wear a blindfold!"

Father to Erin, "Have I mentioned that I am also going to express my inner artistic self by continually rearranging the furniture?"

I think if you let your imagination run wild, you can see where the conversation dipped into the realm of unbloggable depths.

Still, I am heading to bed with the thought that there will be three kids down and two more to go.  I think the chaos of this time allows parents to get ready AND look forward to the empty nest syndrome.  (Then again... what WILL I do for blog fodder?)

QOTD:  "Graduation is only a concept.  In real life every day you graduate.  Graduation is a process that goes on  until the last day of your life.  If you can grasp that, you'll make a difference."  ~Arie Pencovici

Music Teacher Job Description... Or NOT...

Music is a pretty big part of our lives here in the Lemon Stand household. Amongst the seven of us in our family, we listen to an extremely wide range of music. Beatles, Nat King Cole, Queen, AC/DC, Meatloaf, Abba, Green Day, Breaking Benjamin, My Chemical Romance, Rascal Flatts, Alan Jackson, Tammy Wynette, Nina Simone, Beethoven, Brahms, Wagner, James Taylor, Rogers and Hammerstein, Walt Disney sound tracks... You name it and we've probably played it on one of our many jaunts to anywhere.

Teaching By Example?

“Mom, it’s time to get up. Your alarm clock has been going off for about 20 minutes!”

::Rolling over and pulling the covers up over my head::

“Mom, you have to drive us to school. We don’t want to be late.”

::Pulling pillow over head.::

“Mom, I’m going to get the ice water.”

(For those who have not read my blog all that long I just want you to know that pouring ice water over my children is what I normally give them as a consequence if they don't get out of bed when they need to... although for some reason I have never had to actually resort to the pouring.  Standing over their bed with a glass of ice water has been about as far as it has ever taken when extreme measures were called for.  Most of the time the sound of the ice maker dispensing ice cubes does the trick.) Apparently now they have decided not to have any compunction about returning the lesson...

“Tell Daddy to take you!”

“He’s at work. He told me to make sure you got up.”

::Grumbling as I crawl out from under my pillow::

“I vote him off the island.”

“Mom, GET UP!!!”

“All right, already! Shees, give me a minute to fire up the brain cells. You didn’t even bring me tea….or breakfast in bed…or paid me homage yet….”

“I’m going to get the water…”

Why is it that the lessons you WANT them to learn fast, takes a lifetime…and the ones you just wouldn’t mind taking a little longer, they suddenly become the genius child?

QOTD: "They know enough who know how to learn." Henry Adams (1838-1918) The Education Of Henry Adams (1918)

Why Some Parents Wonder Where They Went Wrong... Or Maybe Not?

Put down your drinks gentle reader.... The following was forwarded to me by my husband who HATES to pass on any of the junk he gets on a daily basis, but one of the guys he works with convinced him to read this considering how many kids we have. 

~~~~~

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. 

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

QOTD:  Little Debbie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"

"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it."

"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science."