If Books Were Made Of Chocolate... Reconsidered

      Since I happened to be thinking about chocolate and books this morning as has often happened over the years and because since restarting my blog has been such a joy to me, I wanted to celebrate even though most of my readers have long moved on, which is as it should be, and most of the ones I used to read have stopped writing which saddens me. Blogs were meant to be enjoyed and inspiring and occasionally make you really think. (At least the blogs I read and the ones I write hopefully are) Having surgeries does have it's bright side in that I could read a lot or at least listen to audio books. Anyway, my husband has finally returned from a deployment and for some reason we have all been craving (a lot of) chocolate and books (five daughters, one man, time off? Nuff said), which might seem odd to those who don't know that since we can't get cable TV where we live, we have 29 bookcases. (yes, I counted) Our daughters are all older now but most are still in college and just getting started in life and so most of the books remain for the moment.

     Well, in one of life's many great glass half full moments I went looking for a chocolate book on Google thinking it would bring up chocolate cookbooks for a picture to spruce up this old post and polish it off as it were, and it did... but it also brought up a blog I have no idea how I could have missed all these years! (in a glass half empty moment, I don't have time to go back and read through posts, but I will) Two of my favorite topics. What's not to love? (As for the picture? It's a real cookbook with 50 easy chocolate recipes and since I've realized I do not have a chocolate cookbook in our home, we are lacking and must order for the holidays)

So DO go and visit Karen's Books and Chocolate Blog. I plan to.  (and to my sister in law Karen who is a bibliophile and chocolate lover, are you sure this isn't your blog and you've been holding out on me?)

~

     Oh how I wish I could remember who I had this conversation with, so I could attribute it.  I also wish I could tell you that I was the author of this delightful mental picture, but I must be honest... I remember having this conversation with someone else and had doodled down the notes, as I often do with most things, but failed to write a date or name (I really need to get better about this).  I'm not even sure I'm getting it all right, because it was a long time ago and the scrap of paper I had written it down upon, I had used as a book mark, so it's not very big.  Since I dreamed of it last night... I figure it must be a sign!  So here it is and if someone should recognize it, please do speak up.  It is not only a fabulous idea, but the wording is so vivid, it really should be claimed! 

Chocolate you could read would be practically perfect. As long as it was good chocolate, but poor writing. If you got a good book worthy of saving, you could never eat it - nor could you reread it on sunny days. Also, I'd have to get divorced, because I've never been able to convince my husband that a person's chocolate is sacred. It's deeply annoying when he scarfs an entire box of my Godivas, but if he started eating my books... I'd have to have him put down. (Be great if you could do that - take the husband to the vet, stroke his nose kindly, and tell all your friends that he'd got a bit old and flatulent, so you'd had him put to sleep. Obviously, being a feeling woman, I'd tell the children he'd gone to live with a nice family in the country.)

 Where was I?  Yes, product development. It's a good idea, but I think there's work to be done. You could write on the things that you always have, but never actually eat - like porridge oats, or French mustard - but - then again - I can only imagine worthy literature on oats. Things you feel you ought to have read, but don't want to. Paradise Lost. It would have to be a book more like chocolate digestives - perfect with a cup of coffee, and you find you've eaten the whole packet without meaning to. 

QOTD: "There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." ~ by Oscar Levant (1906-1972) American Actor, Pianist and Composer.

Originally published Nov 2011 and I never did remember who I had been talking to, but such a lovely thought deserves another go around.

The Short Story in Which I Almost Dip My Toe Into the Waters of Impoliteness

We've all had frustrating days.  Days when the procurement of medicinal chocolate has been unsuccessful. (Women will get this and if a man has any brain cells that fire and know at least a little about the necessary care and feeding of said women, will also understand these kinds of days.)  

Now I have had a LOT of time since I last blogged with any regularity to save up all sorts of tidbits and usually I try to stay away from anything truly negative, but when you've had a trying day... sometimes it just won't be contained. (Kinda like oatmeal, but that's a tale for another day) So here is the Lemon Stand couple on just such a day when none of the planets aligned and the stress of being apart for more than a few months hits us at a weak moment. (Lest anyone should ever get the feeling that our family is always about shining rainbows).

Husband: It's been a day.

Me: Are you okay?

Husband: Yeah. Occasionally jumping down someone's throat is therapeutic. It's refreshing to be an A*#^$@.  And your day?

Me: I haven't had the opportunity to be an A*#^$@ lately.  Some people have all the luck. :(

QOTD: "The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum." Havelock Ellis (1859-1939) The Dance Of Life

Vacation Is Over

Since I am determined to make a dent in the cleaning to-do list, I'm dragging out energy fortification... The Party Pack for a cleaning party of one so I don't have to share. (One must always look for the silver lining. :)

QOTD: (A list today)

- 9 out of 10 people like chocolate, the 10th person lies
- Chocolate is the answer, who cares what the question is
- Never under-estimate the power of chocolate
- Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands

Ah, The Perils Of Being A Woman...

I had to go pick up Erin from school and although I truly empathized with her, I had to laugh at her text to me:

Erin: Mom?

Me: Yes?

Erin: Can you come get me? Cramps really bad. No Midol. Hurt. Pain.

A few seconds later.

Erin: Contemplating ripping out ovaries.

Had to stop laughing long enough to text without my hands shaking.

Me: On my way.

On the way home:

Erin: "I wish I were a guy. They don't have to deal with periods."

Me: "No, they just have to deal with the women who do.  Ask your father about it.  I can't tell you how often he's called before coming home just to find out whether he should wear the kevlar. (5 daughters will do that to you). At least he has a good sense of humor about it. 

Now that I think about it, guys also have the problem of needing to be able to know when not to cross the threshold without a chocolate sacrifice. I think I like being a woman more than I would a man. (I'd also hate to be wrong all the time).

QOTD: Why Periods? Why can't Mother Nature just text me and be like "Waddup girl, you ain't pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to you next month."? ~ unknown

Deciding On A Life's Plan...

Humor has always showed up when least expected around here.  I pondered today if our thought processes were just more warped than everyone else's thought processes?  **shrug**

As far as life goal's were concerned during a recent family conversation, our youngest daughter, Erin, emphatically stated that there are only three things worth pursuing in life:

1. Books
2. Chocolate
3. Gelato

(If asked, I'd have to admit that two out of those three things would most likely have been on my list at her age.) Her expression of life goals made me wonder what would have been on the lists of people I know had they been asked this question at age 15. 

How many would have had serious goals?
How many would have had odd-ball goals?
How many wouldn't have had any goals?
How many stayed trued to their goals?
How many would have looked at me like I needed to be committed?

When I started wondering about how perfect strangers would have answered these questions, I knew my brain wasn't going to let this go and hence this post. I know 'ear mites' are generally considered to be music related and it's usually connected to a song you hate that you just can't get out of your mind... but since I am generally considered a bit odd, I just couldn't wait to share this thought so that it could bother someone else. You may thank me later...

My only sad thought today was the realization that the number of family conversations giving comic relief has dwindled as the kids have move out.  Still, living with my husband has kept me amused for more than 25 years.  He is also the man who has warped all his daughters... remember his infamous The Four Laws of Daddy? So the sad didn't stay long and life is still good...

QOTD: "The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don’t have to pay taxes — naturally, no one wants to live any other way." ~ Judith Martin, American author

A Large Chocolate Frosty Please...

Am I the only one that saves a half melted, large, chocolate Frosty from Wendy's and puts it in the freezer for when I am in dire need of chocolate? (Yes, even in winter)

Must start making labels: 

Warning: Emergency application of chocolate use only! Violator's will be punished Severely! 
(i.e. an offspring on a midnight pillage run of the fridge)

QOTD: "Before there was Prozac, there was Chocolate." ~ by me (just now)

It's A Wonderful Life...

I love the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life" for so many reasons but especially for setting the mood and focus of the holiday season for me. A renewal of the things that really matter. 

It's not any secret that my family thrives on humor, odd though it may be sometimes, but it works for us and has had the bonus of keeping me sane over the years.  This year, Christmas at our house was normal... well, as normal as our family can be when it comes to Christmas. Come to think of it, I don't think anyone in our quirky family could be considered a poster-child for normality in any sense of the word.  I can live with that.

Our immediate family has a tradition concerning the making and using of Christmas lists that ensure that no matter how much or how little money is available for presents, there will be plenty of cheer, humor and love. I originally posted the traditions many years ago if you want to know the root of the hilarity that can be found here at our house. (Well, most years anyway as life does sometimes get in the way, especially when the deployment rotations come around or other mishap and mayhem. I wouldn't want to make our family sound perfect and completely idyllic (my kids would laugh hysterically because at least 75% of our lives is unbloggable... at least by my standards.)

The Christmas list affair for this year was pretty good. I won't post everyone's lists in their entirety but there are a few items that truly stand out. So as not to embarrass the offspring I'll allow the not so innocent to remain anonymous. (And no. They are not listed in any particular order. And yes, I'm cutting and pasting.)  :)

     ~ I want a clean room. [I had to laugh at this one]
     ~ Seasons of Vampire Diaries on DVD
     ~ Knives of the non-buttery variety
     ~ Vampire Diaries Poster
     ~ Edward Elric's Watch (he’s from Fullmetal Alchemist)
     ~ http://www.tungstenlove.com/vampire-diaries-elena-vervain-necklace THIS ONE I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THIS SO BAD!!! [Sense a trend here?]
     ~ Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood seasons
     ~ Cool and interesting apartment illuminating items
     ~ That pen that scans a color and writes in it
     ~ Index cards. Like 200. In different colors
     ~ Fuzzy and/or sleep related items
     ~ The making of Harry Potter [book]
     ~ Tea
     ~ Teapot
     ~ Tivana Tea Gift Cards
     ~ Tea, tea, tea [It must be their father's English, Scottish and Welsh genes... mine all came from Quebec]

At least there wasn't a catapult listed this year.  Now, about these lists... one of our five daughters gave us her list three days before Christmas and Christmas morning she still got to unwrapped a 24 pack roll of toilet paper. (among other gifts) She laughed and said that she surely could use such a useful present.  We were pretty lenient this year, I think. Nary a jock strap in sight for any of our five daughters. A fact I'm sure that crossed each of their minds as they unwrapped each present. Ah the joys of parenthood!

I asked for Erin's list and she said she had given it to her father, so I had my husband email it to me (he was TDY in Florida at the time) and in it he included Rachel's Christmas List. I was happy. A two-fer so I didn't have to stress and send out 'the brute squad'...yet. Nor did I have to call the Emergency Stress Relief Hotline more than once or twice this season so far, so life is good. 

Unfortunately for Rachel, we found out three days before Christmas, whilst having her friends for dinner [No, they were not on the menu... they were our honored guests... um, they dined with us. Lord love the English language because I'm too lazy to go fix my grammar!], that the list her father had sent me... was from her Junior year of High School! [She is now a college Freshman].

Me to Rachel: "That's unfortunate for you as I've been using that list since October."

Rachel: "I didn't write a list this year. What was on the list?" 

After cranking up the computer, I read from her list at the dinner table.

Rachel: "I already have most of the things on it! There is only one thing on that list that I'd still like for Christmas."

Me: "Let me read you Erin's list as the two of you have several of the same things on these two lists. I'll see what I can come up with."

Well, since she didn't write a list this year, I guess it could have been a lot worse... for her. My husband and I could have put our heads together to create her list. That's the rules of this family tradition, after all.

Rachel glared at her father.

"Why did you send her that list?"

Husband: "I didn't!"

Me: "I have the emails right here honey." 

I probably shouldn't have thrown him under the bus like that and now that I think about it, I should go and apologize... maybe... a little later...

Husband: "I don't remember sending it. I only sent Erin's!" 

This time I was kind enough to change the subject.

Just in case you think this episode is truly over? It has become the gift that keeps giving. Let me tell you a little more about the events that are linked to that darn list, although I can only post the latter half of the adventure as the first half is a story best left for another day. I don't strive to be Tolstoy.

So Rachel's boyfriend and best friend were visiting and after she left the room, I told them that the only two things I had actually gotten off the list so far was a book I know she didn't have and the one item she had mentioned as a still viable Christmas List option. (I told them they could come over Christmas morning to watch if they wanted to.)

Her friends said they thought she would love it!

I showed her sisters this gift previously and they all agreed that she would love it!

On Christmas Eve I showed it to my husband and he also agreed she would love it!

...and then he handed it back to me...

...which is why what happened next was truly lamentable...

Yup. I promptly lost it among all the other presents I was wrapping. I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning searching for that darn thing. I removed EVERY item of trash from the trash bags. I looked inside EVERY plastic bag, container, box and paper to no avail. I tore the place apart and then finally I went to bed defeated. I then hoped that it might have gotten wrapped in with some other present so the next morning I explained that there was small gift that had gone on the lam and would they look out for it. I told Rachel that I would not tell her what it was unless no one else came to the rescue before every present was unwrapped.

Unfortunately, my bad luck was holding on to me like it was at a super glue convention and I was the test dummy. So I told Rachel what it was.  At first she was real quiet and then she said,

"And you lost it?" 

She truly would have loved it!

Everyone helped me look for it and when the search was fruitless, I went online and ordered another one so harmony was restored.  This definitely has a silver lining as it means she'll be walking down to the mailbox to get the mail every day until her present arrives.  It's all about the lemonade.

Still, I know there is hope that it will be found before we have to consider the milk carton route. I know this is true because I found the present Rachel had bought Nicole for last year's Christmas celebration whilst wrapping presents for this year.  What a year it's been!

Rachel was a great sport about it and a replacement is coming.

This year I bought all of our daughters union suits (or long handles, traditionally red with a butt flap, but does come in purple) along with thick woolen socks. (This is, after all, New England)  Dumbledore was absolutely right. There's nothing like a pair of warm woolen socks!

Erin was an enormous help this year and spent three days wrapping all the stocking stuffers... individually... even the crayons in the box were not spared her loving touch.  Her sisters watched her do this... for three days. So when Erin opened one of the gift boxes from Rachel, inside the lid was written:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This box was wrapped empty
Ha! You thought this would rhyme...

Nina was sort of picked on this year in a funny kind of way. I've already mentioned the toilet paper. Nicole and Rachel added their artistic skills and wrapped two bras that were gifts. (this is a family of women and my husband is trained to perfection not to blink an eye at requests to buy things like this before he comes home) It's definitely creative and funny as hell to look at when they were done.

When my husband came home with this tall Darth Vader (it's taller than the lamp) all I could think of was... well one of our daughter's did ask for an attractive male slave. Two out of three adjectives isn't all that bad, is it? Ok. Maybe that should be one out of three adjectives.  [If you are wondering what he is holding, it's a lego platform from years past. If you know our family at all, it won't come as any surprise that our family holds legos, books and chocolate sacred in this house. Not necessarily in that order].

Erin did not escape her father's warped humor as he wrapped the slippers from her list... individually (this is before he knew she had done the same to all of the stocking stuffers). But funnier than that, for Erin he wrapped a bunch of pennies in a box, and another box filled with tissue paper and although an accident, he wrapped and labeled three of the union suits meant for her sisters, as hers.  She was exasperated and told him she didn't need three union suits of various sizes.  The apple never falls far from the tree in this family.

Then I imagine the day continued on in the same fashion as everyone else. Those who were not in their 'jammies' put on their union suits and wool socks and on went the video games (which sometimes can be a wonderful spectator sport), our twenty something daughters pulled out our huge supply of legos (see Darth Vader), and the rest read new books until dinner time.  My husband made prime rib (because he didn't get to the butcher shop until it was closing on Christmas eve and they didn't have the spoon roast that he wanted, so instead they sold him a prime rib roast for the same amount of money! He does hunt and gather rather well, I must say) and although the beloved pumpkin cheesecake was missing this year, it was still a fabulous dinner thanks to my husband!

~~~~~~~~
I miss blogging. I miss the ability to write down all the wonderful blessings I have so that I can let go of whatever is stressing me at the moment.  The problem is... it takes forever for me to write it down and then go back and edit, edit, edit.  We're talking HOURS. Because to publish anything on the web is most likely to remain for my posterity.  I have stopped using facebook and news feeds because I have to face the fact that I am someone who becomes hyper-focused incredibly easily and when I glance at the clock, I panic when I realize that I've just lost four or five hours and have nothing to show for it in terms of housework, physical rehabilitation or just plain stepping out my kitchen door to walk down the driveway.

Unfortunately, this means I rarely write anything anymore and I feel like my life is less colorful than it use to be. There are other things that take priority these days and for the foreseeable future, so I think I will have to be content with whatever I can write, whenever I can write it.

Because I no longer have a following, I don't have to feel I've disappointed anyone by not being consistent. I remember more clearly that I started this blog so many years ago as therapy for the soul and it's ok if it only needs a cactus amount of water to flourish. It has gotten me through some pretty rough times as well as being a place to remember my blessings. Life is short. Live it out loud, in technicolor and with humor at every opportunity.

No quote of the day. Only a very heartfelt Happy Holidays to all who may drop by.

UPDATE: 28 Dec 2013 - Item was NOT found where I was wrapping presents. If I hadn't had the urge to clean out some boxes in the hall, I would never have seen it until I dusted. The last time I dusted was before the kids were born. My mother-in-law assured me that I would someday have a clean house when all of our offspring had left the nest. 

... I'm still waiting for that day and she's not around anymore to tell me when that day might be. It hasn't arrived and four of our kids are over the age of 18. I'm sure she would have laughed and told me that there will come a time when I miss them living at home. I'm beginning to have my doubts...

Zombie To-Do List...

Public Service Announcement: There have currently been no confirmed sightings of Zombies, but the public should remain vigilant as it is only a matter of time before Congress sends them out to control the population instead of the budget. Please stay tuned to updated reports. Carry on and have a chocolate.

I've dreamed there is a special kind of to-do list that is addicting.  The longer the list, the more addicting it is. You should beware of any list longer than three items as they seem to be going viral within the well organized population. These to-do lists are an insidious form of torture created by Zombies to round-up victims. Once in possession of  one of their to-do lists, the tasks written on them multiply exponentially. It comes with some kind of subliminal instruction that is used to make you think you still have the option of saving your brain. You don't... have that option I mean. Once they've made sure you have a to-do list in your possession, then you are forever chained to whatever tasks that are on that to-do list until their next meal.

I've heard that they use this particular method to prepare your brain for their dinner. Kind of like meat tenderizer.  As far as I know, that is still only rumor. The way they get you to accept a to-do list is quite innocent-like. They are delivered by someone you think you know as a short set of instructions to complete some quick favor for them. It seems that any list under four items is safe, because you need more than three items to invoke enough subliminal exposure to commence the replicating countdown. Also beware of wine lists and menus... they are longer than three items and can make you want to list more than one item that you would like to eat or drink.

These to-do lists are used to make you think you still have the option of saving your brain. You don't... have that option I mean. Once they've made sure you have a to-do list in your possession, then you are forever chained to whatever tasks that are on that to-do list. That way they have an easier time rounding the herd (that would be you) for dinnertime. Their dinnertime. There's nothing left to do then, but say grace.

I woke up thinking it's a good thing I've already sworn off to-do lists! 

QOTD: "I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out." ~ David Sedaris

The Faint Scent Of Understatement And Perspective...

My stove, NOT my kitchen, although I sure wish it were!

Me to Husband: "Oh, I forgot to tell you what happened this morning. Someone left one of the gas stove's burners on in the kitchen. I noticed the faintest scent of gas when I was coming down the stairs and found the smallest burner was on the lowest setting without having been lit. The scent wasn't very strong, but I still carefully opened doors and windows to help dissipate the gas in the house, turned off the burner after a couple of minutes, then waited another 15 minutes to close the doors and windows again." (it had to have been on for about two hours from the time the girls left for school and the time I came down to get something to drink)

Husband: "That could have ended badly." (hmmm, King of the understatement?)

Rachel: "Good thing you caught the scent of gas in time as your sewing room is right above the kitchen."

Husband to Rachel: "Gas is heavier than air. It settles downward... like say, to your bedroom in the basement?"

Rachel: "But hot air rises!"

**Roll of eyes**

Husband, as he walks away: "And chocolate pleases"
 
I had to laugh outright at that.  It's all about perspective is this house!

QOTD: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress." ~ British Airways pilot, after flying through a cloud of volcanic ash.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note to family: I'm doing my best with the memory I have. Yes, I know I did not get the wording of this conversation down perfectly, but it's either live with it or I'll be forced to get a voice recorder and although that would make for much more interesting and numerous posts for me, it might not be better for your posterity. Let me know the decision. In the meantime I shall carry on, 'kay?
         Love, Me

If Books Were Made Of Chocolate...

Oh how I wish I could remember who I had this conversation with, so I could attribute it.  I also wish I could tell you that I was the author of this delightful mental picture, but I must be honest... I remember having this conversation with someone else and had doodled down the notes, as I often do with most things, but failed to write a date or name (I really need to get better about this).  I'm not even sure I'm getting it all right, because it was a long time ago and the scrap of paper I had written it down upon, I had used as a book mark, so it's not very big.  Since I dreamed of it last night... I figure it must be a sign!  So here it is and if someone should recognize it, please do speak up.  It is not only a fabulous idea, but the wording is so vivid, it really should be claimed! 

Chocolate you could read would be practically perfect. As long as it was good chocolate, but poor writing. If you got a good book worthy of saving, you could never eat it - nor could you reread it on sunny days. Also, I'd have to get divorced, because I've never been able to convince my husband that a person's chocolate is sacred. It's deeply annoying when he scarfs an entire box of my Godivas, but if he started eating my books... I'd have to have him put down. (Be great if you could do that - take the husband to the vet, stroke his nose kindly, and tell all your friends that he'd got a bit old and flatulent, so you'd had him put to sleep. Obviously, being a feeling woman, I'd tell the children he'd gone to live with a nice family in the country.)

Where was I?  Yes, product development. It's a good idea, but I think there's work to be done. You could write on the things that you always have, but never actually eat - like porridge oats, or French mustard - but - then again - I can only imagine worthy literature on oats. Things you feel you ought to have read, but don't want to. Paradise Lost. It would have to be a book more like chocolate digestives - perfect with a cup of coffee, and you find you've eaten the whole packet without meaning to.


QOTD: "There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." Oscar Levant (1906-1972) American Actor, Pianist and Composer.

Lifetime Supply Of Chocolate

Danielle, "I wish I had a lifetime supply of chocolate. Milky Way, Snickers, Kit Kat Bars, Turtles..."

Nicole and Rachel, "Me Too!!!!"

Me, "Don't you mean a lifetime supply of candy bars? And I thought you didn't like chocolate?"

Danielle, "I don't like chocolate cake or chocolate ice cream or chocolate pudding but I love chocolate bars."

Me, "A lifetime supply of chocolate, huh? I remember as a kid that my Grandmother would break apart a huge slab of dark chocolate, milk chocolate and white chocolate and give pieces to my Aunt, Uncle and Mother."

"I don't know where she would get these slabs but they were between 4 to 8 inches thick and about a foot long and a foot and a half wide. She would freeze them wrapped in plastic. After they were frozen, she would take out the slab, lay a towel over it and break it with a hammer. She would then divide the pieces."

"I remember how this was enough chocolate for our entire family to use for about a year. It was mostly used in fudge, cookies, and chocolate candies. I would imagine that would be about enough to last me a lifetime."

Nicole, "No it wouldn't. We'd keep stealing it from you so that you would have to keep getting more."

Me, ::gasping theatrically:: "You would steal your own Mothers lifetime supply of chocolate?"

Nicole, "Yes!"

Danielle, "Absolutely!"

Rachel, "In a heartbeat."

Me, ::talking out loud to no one in particular:: "I'm raising a bunch of ungrateful heathens!"

Rachel, "We should let Erin win the lifetime supply of chocolate. She's going to live longer so we'll have a more dependable supply..."

It's good to know that I will have to hide that lifetime supply of chocolate should I ever win it...

QOTD: "There always seems to be someone looking over your shoulder - just waiting for an opportunity to lecture on The Darker Side of Chocolate." Sandra Boynton