28 February 2010

The Price To Pay For An Education...

"Danielle's first international incident is going to be stalking."

Danielle agreed with my husband on this.  She has already decided which British personalities she wants to track down.  Her father and Rachel were giving her suggestions yesterday as they discussed her pending sojourn into the wilds of London, England.  You see, Danielle has been accepted to attend her first choice of schools.  To say she has been doing the Happy Snoopy Dance is a gross understatement!  

Although Nina has also been accepted into a few schools, we are awaiting the response from her first choice.  We are keeping our fingers and toes crossed.  (of course this makes walking or picking up a coffee cup a little difficult but we will persevere in hopes of a good outcome.)

So to Danielle and Nina, a little piece of wisdom to pass on...
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."   ~ Mark Twain
Meanwhile, if everybody could pray for us to win the lottery, it would be most appreciated...

QOTD:  "There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings." ~ Hodding Carter

26 February 2010

Mommy Needs A New Hobby...

(Originally published 27 Oct 2006)
If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you know that I am the resident family taxi driver. There are some days during the week that I am literally on the road driving to and from schools, appointments and lessons for more than six hours of the day. So as we were driving from yet another appointment Nicole tells me that I need to take up a new hobby to do in the van while driving around...
Me, "What kind of hobby could I possibly take up?"
Nicole, "I don't know. How about knitting?"
Me, "I can't knit and drive at the same time!"
Nicole, "Why not? Daddy can blow his nose while driving. He uses his knees on the steering wheel. He's really good at it."
I'm thinking the Husband is SOOOO busted when he gets back from the sand box!
From the back seat I hear Rachel, "Yeah Mom, knit one, pearl two, knit one, pearl .... oops wait... you just missed the turn."
Have I mentioned that Rachel inherited the Husband's comedian gene?
Later, as we were sitting at the table, eating dinner, Danielle starts giving me a hard time about the schedule and I finally just asked her if she knew the meaning of 'blunt force trauma' 
Danielle, "Yes, Mom."
Me, "How would you like to have it demonstrated.... up close and personal?"
Danielle with a smirk, "That would be child abuse and I know you wouldn't do it!"
I'm thinking, does it count if I only dream about it? And what about parental abuse?
Me, "Is that a yes or a no?"
Danielle, "No, Mommy."
Me, "Good. Now finish your dinner."
Maybe I DO need to begin a new hobby....  perhaps yodeling? I wonder how long it would take to drive the natives to insanity? I'm thinking it might just be a fair trade.....
QOTD: "If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that." Jack Handy (1949-) American Humorist

25 February 2010

What's For Dinner?

This question usually comes up when I am in the middle of something or when I have totally forgotten to take something out of the freezer for dinner. So the conversation goes something like this:
Me: "Food"
Kids: "What kind of food?"
Me: "Edible food?"
Kids: "What kind of edible food?"
Me: "Tasty edible food?"
Kids: "Ok......what KIND of tasty edible food?"
Sense a trend here? I'm either struggling to finish something up or struggling to think of what is in the pantry that I can throw together. In either case I feel like I'm gasping for air.

When the kids were younger I could talk them into forgetting what they asked in the first place. Now I'M the one left wondering what the question was.

To cheer myself up about this matter, I have started asking myself what each of my offspring would serve me if they lived on their own and I came to thier house for dinner? At the moment I would opt for Erin because I'm pretty sure she would be serving hot dogs....
QOTD: "Ask a child what they want for dinner only if they are buying." Fran Lebowitz (1958-)

24 February 2010

What's Your Memory Like?

My in-laws, at one time, had two male cats. After many years they finally had to put one of them down because he was, shall we say, acting inappropriately with the other cat to the point of really hurting him.

Sometime after that they also had to finally have an aging dog of theirs put down because of Alzheimer's. If you closed a door to a room he would become anxious. Any change in routine upset him.
My husband was visiting his parent's house one day and as he was sitting at the table talking to his mother, he remarked, "You know this really sets a really bad precedent for you..."

"Why?" asked his mother.

"Well, you have put down an old gay cat and an old dog with Alzheimers. The minute you start picking out new drapes or acting confused, us kids will think it's time to look into euthanasia for you."
(Sometimes I honestly don't know how that man made it to adulthood!)
QOTD: "The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child."  Erma Bombeck (1927-1996)

Please Pass The Nyquil...

Yup, it the season of giving.  I don't know why everyone says that's only during the Christmas season.  I will not gross you out with descriptions.  Until I'm feeling again like a member of Homo Sapien species, I'll just say...
"Good night, Gracie"  

By the way, did you know that Homo Sapien is Latin for "wise man" or "knowing man"? Huh, I'm just guessing here, but I'm pretty sure it was a 'man' who came up with this definition...  

Just food for thought as I'm checking out the undersides of my eyelids for holes.  (Mostly because from my prone position on my bed, I can see that I haven't dusted the lamp shades in quite a while... and oh my, would you just look at those cobwebs in the corners of my room?  I am also reminded of the warren of dust bunnies procreating beneath my bed...  Sigh...)
QOTD: “I enjoy convalescence. It is the part that makes the illness worth while.” George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish literary Critic, Playwright and Essayist

19 February 2010

A Perfectly Good Description...

QOTD:  "There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full."  Henry Kissinger

18 February 2010

Motivation And Job Descriptions... Or Not...

Have I mentioned the happiness that comes from threatening your teenager with a tall, cold glass of ice water poured all over her if she doesn’t stop whining and get out of bed? She can hear the ice tumbling into the glass from the ice maker from her bedroom. By time I have made it down the hall to her room this morning, she was armed with a flashlight. But at least she was fully awake….
Nicole and I got on the subject of job descriptions this morning.  We talked about how difficult some jobs were. She then told me about two of her friends who worked at a couple different local grocery stores as cashiers.

One told her there was a lady who came in every day with a gas mask on saying over and over, “The pesticides are coming, the pesticides are coming, they are everywhere!”

OKAAAAY I thought. That might be a little difficult to ignore. 

Another of her friends who was a cashier would work in the express lane and she wished she could only ring up the amount of items listed as the limit, then tell the customer that they would have to go back to the end of the line if they wanted the rest of the items. 

Hmmmm. I can see that one from all three perspectives: 
1. The customer – how embarrassing, how frustrating (am I glad I never do this!) 

2. The cashier – how satisfying (until you get fired) 

3. The customers standing in line behind the first customer“HOORAY! YOU GO GIRL!!!” :o)
QOTD:  "I have all the money I need... if I die before 4 o'clock." ~Henny Youngman (1906-1998) British-born Comedian and Violinist

17 February 2010

Old Pictures That Have A Story To Tell...

"I often think about my grandparents but it seems lately that I have had them pictured in my mind every day.  I suppose it's because of the anniversary of my Grandmother's death, because of Valentine's Day and because I have been watching the Olympics being played out in Canada.  Both were immigrants from Quebec...

15 February 2010

Is Your Glass Half Full Or Half Empty?

I just read a post that blew me away.  I think that it hit a little too close to home for me.  No.  I was not raised in a cult.  Nor was I physically abused when I was growing up.  But I did have an alcoholic father, an autistic sister and the whole hand me down clothes and free meals during my elementary school years.  The saying that kids can be cruel is true.  I lived it.  I get it.  But as I read this post I realized that I CAN say that something positive came out of all of it.  It put a whole new perspective on celebrating commercial holidays like Valentine's Day, Easter and Christmas.  Go read Whiskey in My Sippy Cup : Surviving Parenting.  Kind of.  The story of why she helps her kids write out every Valentine card is at the same time heartwarming and heartbreaking.  Is your glass half full or half empty? 

14 February 2010

A Unique Way Of Getting Your Teen To Do The Dishes...

My husband, "Danielle is going to do the dishes or we're going to show her how she was created in interpretive dance."

QOTD:  "Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare."  Ed Asner (1929- ), Actor

11 February 2010

Graduating To A Nudist Colony?

Ahhhh.  The conversation at the dinner table tonight was not only scintillating, it was downright bizarre.  Which as anyone with a sense of humor knows, is an interesting combination...
The Lemon Stand household is getting ready for another family milestone.  Our eldest daughter, Nicole, graduated from High School last year and is doing wonderfully in a college nearby.  The next two are getting ready to join the masses of college students next fall.  They are graduating (barring any unforeseen pranks gone awry) this June and so I have not had a chance to blog lately.  College visits, college applications, college essays, college transcripts and recommendations.  I will soon, however, have a chance to come up for air and be able to spend more time on my blog.

Cutting to the good parts of the dinner conversation...
Erin to her father, "I'm never going to move away to go to college.  I'm going to live with you forever."  (At the age of 11, you can't truly imagine cutting the apron strings)
Father to Erin, "That's ok.  The day after you graduate I'm going to become a nudist.  I'll be free to walk around in my almost empty home in the buff all day long."
Erin to her father, "Eewwww!  I'll just wear a blindfold!"
Father to Erin, "Have I mentioned that I am also going to express my inner artistic self by continually rearranging the furniture?"
I think if you let your imagination run wild, you can see where the conversation dipped into the realm of unbloggable depths.

Still, I am heading to bed with the thought that there will be three kids down and two more to go.  I think the chaos of this time allows parents to get ready AND look forward to the empty nest syndrome.  (Then again... what WILL I do for blog fodder?)
QOTD:  "Graduation is only a concept.  In real life every day you graduate.  Graduation is a process that goes on  until the last day of your life.  If you can grasp that, you'll make a difference."  ~Arie Pencovici

03 February 2010

The Senility Prayer...

"Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference..."

The Casa de Lemon Stand household has been going through some growing pains.  I am spending a lot of time with the girls during the transition from young adults to responsible adults.  I feel like they need the one on one time desperately even though they are doing everything within their power to push all of my buttons... at the same time.  All of them... At.The.Same.Time

Our dinner conversations that are normally humorous and laid back are now constantly strained.  I told my husband that it is time to do something different.  Something fun.  Now the problem is to find the WHAT

I think I am going to start a list of possibilities.  Yeah, my mind is drawing a blank at the moment (except possibly wishing for early onset senility) but I refuse to continue in a house where I am constantly requesting someone to retract their claws.  (And I don't mean the feline variety!)  Lately it has felt like a carnival ride in a hormonal house of horrors!  (that senility thing is really looking like a great idea for a new life goal at the moment)

Maybe a family outing in the front yard to duplicate some of these classic snow men...  Then I'd want to sit out there and take pictures of the expressions on the faces of the commuters that go by.   :O)  The kids and I really need something silly and light hearted so I think this will be perfect.  We just have to wait for the next snow storm...


Personally?  I like the Shark the best but the top one has real potential in our yard...  Next snow storm...  Pictures to follow...

QOTD: "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today... It is already tomorrow in Australia."  ~ Charles Schultz, American Cartoonist