Would you do ANYTHING for your best friend? Well, Kelly messed up her back again and was sorely in need of cheering up. I also had a magnificently craptastic day. So what did we do as soon as we got online? We decided to look up and swap creative insults... until the laughing meant pain killers for her backache and pain killers for my headache. Still, it had us both in tears (of the good variety)...
There are quite a few sites with creative insults but we were looking for ones that did not contain foul language and those that we felt were not humiliating in intent. So here you go...
"Were I to find him in the wild being torn apart alive by rabid dogs, I'd merrily sell popcorn."
"You are a sleezy, slimy, sticky, stinky, scum bucket full of maggot vomit and horse poo."
"If you're going to be two faced then, sweetie, at least let one of them be pretty." (Kelly: OMG!!! This one is sooo bad!!)
"If I throw a stick, will you leave?" (No, Kelly... this one is sooo bad!!!)
"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
"My mother told me to never speak ill of people. So, let me just say you are a marvelously articulate chimp.""You are the ignoble, ignorant, illiterate, incestuous, illegitimate progeny of parents who belong to the phyla insecta."
"Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."
"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
"You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication."
"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
"If you had half a brain, it'd be lonely..."QOTD: "If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved." J. Russell Lynes (b.1910) American Writer
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ReplyDeleteThese are awesome! Would you mind if I linked to this post? (My apologies for my deleted comment. Kind of new to this. :) )
ReplyDeleteAmber - Nope. Don't mind. I was a beginner too! If you look at the post there will be a button that says share this. Since you have a blogger blog, click on the blogger icon. It will start a post on YOUR blog with the link to this post. (Nobody ever told me that. I had to discover it all by my lonesome.)
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it. Kelly and I had to finally stop because of the pain of laughing so hard. :)
If you need any help, click on my profile and email me.
Thank you! It linked, but it's not showing here. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but thanks for letting me share.
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of sounding like a teenager I'm a big fan. ;-p
I love this! Great find. I'm still laughing!
ReplyDelete"If you're going to be two faced then, sweetie, at least let one of them be pretty."
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!! I can't wait to use this one.
Lemon Stand, this was WAY funny, and made my afternoon!
ReplyDeleteI stole the quotes, and linked to it. I'm always trying to learn how to be a "higher class" insulter.
this one made me laugh out loud:
ReplyDelete"My mother told me to never speak ill of people. So, let me just say you are a marvelously articulate chimp."
"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
ReplyDeleteBEST ONE EVER.
I'm using it on my teenager.
Totally.
I just realized that I forgot one. Kelly and I were laughing so hard that I had to text it to her...
ReplyDelete"Those pants not only make you look fat, it makes me think you're smuggling midgets."
I'm glad you all enjoyed these as much as Kelly and I did. I can't believe that nobody on her facebook account even commented on them!
My husband says that I shouldn't dis midgets since I am one. Or at least close in stature to one of them. :P He says I should have posted, "Those pants not only make you look fat, it makes me think you're smuggling ferrets."
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that does much for my mental picture... :)