17 December 2010

This Generation's Contributions To The English Language...

I consider myself sufficiently educated concerning the subject of living with five daughters enabled with PMS and the liberal application of chocolate bait to get them to retract their claws teenagers in general, even so, I have, at times, found myself feeling stupefied (with nary a magic wand in sight).  You see, a few of the expressions the progeny of this generation have contributed to the English language, are unrecognizable when attempting the actual process of meaningful communication.  Many of these idioms attain unbelievable, unbloggable depths and are therefor fit only for discussion at our dinner table... for the most minute dissection of not only it's idiocy, but the general consensus of intelligence of the poor sap to make the mistake of uttering it preferably when there are not any guests to be appalled, perplexed, startled, shocked, alarmed, aghast horrified by what passes for normal conversation in the Lemon Stand household...  Although I have it on very good authority that 'normal' is not a state of being, 'normal' is merely a setting on your washer...  Still, I wouldn't change it even if I could... because it's usually riveting enough to hold even the most timid of beings in the state of "rubber-necking"... You may want to get away from the bizarre tangents being travailed, but morbid fascination mesmerizes and you just have to see where that conversational road ends I have learned so much more than I ever wanted to know about subjects in life where my ignorance would not only have been bliss, it would not have adversely affected my chances of taking sustenance without it's irrigation from orifices not intended by nature from our dinner table conversations over the years that I have, without question, earned my PhD in the study of useless bits of information by now.

Granted, sometimes, I have been able to derive the intended meaning of a word or phrase from the context of a conversation...  For instance, when we bought the new car this past spring, our daughter Rachel looked at it and told me she thought it was SHINEY and I knew that surely SHINEY was meant as a compliment of the car's fashion and style... because I apparently do not have a gift in this area

Lately, our daughters, Rachel and Danielle, arbiters of all things 'hip' have been critiquing my sense of cosmopolitanism...
Rachel, "Mom! You can't be seen with that... It's so... so... 'ghetto'!"
Me, "Ghetto?  How would you know?  You've never been in a ghetto?"
We do not live in a city.  We live in a neighborhood where most of the neighbors could be considered edible... You can relax though, because we are NOT cannibals.  You may trust me when I say homo sapiens are very safe at our dinner table... Well, ok... homo sapiens are at least safe from being the LITERAL 'roast' of honor.  Most of our neighbors happen to be wild turkeys, wild rabbits, pheasant, deer, moose, bear... although I unequivocally DO draw the line on eating the squirrels... one must have standards...
QOTD: "One man's wilderness is another man's theme park." ~ Unknown


  1. Okay, that had me snorting.

    I could TOTALLY see my kids saying something like that.

  2. That's because our Mother in Law's must both have had the same mailman...


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try again in the morning.