03 December 2009

A Pirate, Happy Juice, And A Sharpie...

A few years ago, my mother went into the hospital for double knee replacement surgery.  I went to stay with her at the hospital while the surgery was taking place.  My mother was laying in bed with one of those Johnny's on that you will never see in any magazine because believe me, even Photoshop can't make that thing look good on anybody. She is attached to the saline solution and has a little granny cap on her head which of course keeps slipping down over her left eye. Since she had the IVs attached I tried to help her adjust the thing but to no avail. I suggested she just pretend it was an eye patch and she was a pirate....I got 'the look'. OKaaaay, so I helped tuck it behind an ear. (Till the nurse came back in and put it back where it was....)
The nurse anesthetist came in and started asking my Mom all sorts of questions. Things like, do you have any special markings? It took me a second to realize she was asking about scars, moles, or tattoos. My Mom mentions her scars. Then the nurse asks about body piercings and my Mom says two. One in each ear. (By this time I am trying very hard not to laugh.) The nurse finishes up and leaves.
My Mom turns to me and and says "WHAAAT?"

"Reason number 236 why body piercings are not a good idea. Mom, I can see MYSELF at 70 and saying yeah, I have a belly button ring, both ears pierced 7 times and oh yeah, both nipples..."
(I know my kids are going to read this and say GROOSSSS MOM!!! - Well, sweeties, don't read the rest of this then!)

You know? They say timing is everything and just as I was saying this the doctor comes around the screen. He was smiling but thankfully didn't say anything. He does his spiel and then he, too, leaves.

So my Mom and I are still laughing and another nurse comes in to administer the "Happy Juice". She kept checking the chart and I'm sure she thought that we were probably "Happy" enough.
After she leaves I tell my Mom, "That is also the reason I won't get a tattoo. I don't think they look as good with the wrinkle, wave effect....Hey, you can see my tattoo, just let me stretch it out flat for you....Nope, not gonna happen."
I asked my Mom if she needed a sharpie and she asked what for. I told her about a story I heard about a woman who was in a bad accident and had to have part of one leg removed. She had used a sharpie to write notes all over her body to the doctors, nurses and anesthesiologist. On the good leg she wrote NOT THIS LEG, THIS IS THE GOOD ONE. On the bad leg she wrote THIS IS THE RIGHT LEG, I MEAN THE BAD LEG, CUT HERE. She also wrote notes with arrows about where the reconstructive surgery was NOT taking place so that there was no need for them to look there. I couldn't remember all of them but it didn't matter, we were laughing so hard by this time that the staff had come to see what was up and then we had to tell them the story. Needless to say, Mom went into surgery with a big smile and tears on her face (and so did everyone else :o)
QOTD: "Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."  Lord Byron (1788-1824) English Poet

5 comments:

  1. Tattoos are cultural for me, so I got quite a few that I put in places you can cover up. Unless I wear a bikini, but fat chance that will ever happen. I also use to have quite a few piercings, 8 in both ears and my nose piercing I got over 20 yrs ago. This story sums up what I was feeling now that I'm older and wiser. Thanks for the smile. Luckily I strategically placed my tattoos or it would be just ridiculous.

    May

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  2. The Husband and I thought it'd be funny to make up a bunch of Sticky Notes to paste on my privates during child birth so every time the doctor had to do a check, he'd get a different message... like "Do Not Open Until Christmas".

    Yeah.
    It was really funny until the labor pains really kicked in. Then, nothing was very funny. :P

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  3. everytime my son, who has a couple of small tats, and his wife who also has a few, ask us why we don't get any - Chief always says he has no idea what he wants to keep on his body when he's 70. as for me... I'm just scared of needles - severe allergy to pain.

    LAW

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  4. May - I know quite a few people who have tattoos who have them where they don't show. The only tattoo I ever considered getting was "Made in Japan" on the bottom of my foot. (I was born at Misawa AB as was my next oldest sister. I tease her that she was born there but I was 'made' there) :)

    Roses - Sticky notes? I can't imagine why MY husband didn't think of anything like that. As for labor pains... yeah, nothing matters once they really start to hit hard.

    LAW - My mother IS 70 and that was why we thought it was soooo funny. Her generation really didn't do the whole tattoo/piercing thing.

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  5. Lemon Stand's daughter ErinDecember 24, 2009 at 7:24 PM

    MOMMMMMMM GROSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
    But the sharpie part? COOL!!!!!!

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Contents from normal neural synapsis goes here....
Should unnatural neural synapsis occur? Take one cherry chocolate Hershey Kiss and carry on.
Should NO neural synapsis occur? Take two full strength chocolate Hershey Kisses and
try again in the morning.