03 January 2011

Henceforth, Mondays Shall Be Humorous... Be Aware, This SHALL Be Strictly Enforced!

Monday always seems to get a bad wrap.  So, although I'm not a big fan of 'New Year Resolutions', I'm all for anything that encourages me to write, laugh and smile.  So I noticed recently, that over the years I have collected quite a collection of books on Wisdom, Literary Humor, Poems, Positive Comments, Clever Witticisms, Repartee, Quotations, Retorts, Comedy & Comebacks....  (although, to be honest, my family's dinner conversation can be just as funny, if not more so, than anything published within this collection... still, it is always a sign of intelligence to have a backup plan...)  

I was considering my white screen of death as I pondered the possibilities in the amount of 'material' my family has provided for me over this joyful holiday season.  Who should go first?  What should go second?  Which instantly made my mind burp up with, "I don't know's on third".  If you failed to understand that line of thought progression, then it's time for you to be introduced to the wonderful world of Lou Abbott and Bud Costello... 

I've always loved comedians who could make you laugh until you were afraid to uncross your knees, without ever being offensive by word or intent.  I think those days are long past now, but thankfully, much of the great work of comedians in the twentieth century are being preserved.  Abbott and Costello, Lucille Ball (especially her 'Candy Store' bit), Bob Hope,  Bill Cosby (his Noah's Ark bit still makes me laugh just thinking about it)... and yes, husband and offspring... I will even include Monty Python's Flying Circus.  They could all make you laugh without a swear word or content that would have rated above a 'G' rating (with the exception of some of Monty Python).  I've never embedded a YouTube video but here is the First Monday of Humor for the year...  I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. (PS - Because the acoustics back in 1945 were not anything like what we have today and because there are parts where they are speaking so fast, I put a list of the players and the script below the 'Fold Line')  Happy Monday to all!

----------------------------------------------------- Fold Line ---------------------------------------------------

Who's on 1st
What's on 2nd
I Don't Know's on 3rd
Why plays Left Field
Because plays Center Field
Tomorrow is the Pitcher
I Don't Care plays Shortstop

(Lou Costello is considering becoming a ballplayer. Bud Abbott wants to make sure he knows what he's getting into.)

Abbott: Strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names.
Costello: Funny names?
Abbott: Nicknames.  Nicknames.  Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Costello: That's what I want to find out.  I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.
Abbott: I'm telling you.  Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Costello: You know the fellows names?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well, then who's playing first?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: I mean the fellow's name on first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The fellow playing first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first base.
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: Well, what are you asking me for?
Abbott: I'm not asking you.  I'm telling you.  Who is on first.
Costello: I'm asking you.  Who's on first?
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's who's name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.  And why not, the man's entitled to it.
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: So who gets it?
Abbott: Why shouldn't he?  Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Who's wife?
Abbott: Yes.  After all, the man earns it.
Costello: Who does?
Abbott: Absolutely.
Costello: Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base?
Abbott: Oh, no, no.  What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first!
Costello: St. Louis has a good outfield?
Abbott: Oh, absolutely.
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field?
Abbott: Who's playing first.
Costello: Stay out of the infield!  The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: Because.
Abbott: Oh, he's center field.
Costello: Wait a minute.  You got a pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?
Costello: Tell me the pitcher's name.
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: Now, when the guy at bat bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now, that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
Abbott: Don't get excited.  Take it easy.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second.  Who picks up the ball and throws it to what.  What throws it to I don't know.  I don't know throws it back to tomorrow.  A triple play.
Abbott: Yeah, it could be.
Costello: Another guy gets up and it's a long ball to center.
Abbott: Because.
Costello: Why?  I don't know.  And I don't care.
Abbott: What was that?
Costello: I said, I don't care!
Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop!


  1. Oh that was a GREAT WAY to start a Monday! I love Lou Abbott and Bud Costello!

  2. Meleah! I'm so glad I'm not the only one showing my age! ;p (LOVED your New Years cake, btw!)

  3. I'm so glad you mentioned Bill Cosby! He made me laugh until I couldn't breathe as a child, but now as an adult I actually *get it* and have to keep my inhaler at hand or the end will come quickly. :)

    Some of the parents were talking at my Evil Blond Child's Girl Scout meeting, and we have all apparently been following the same path when it comes to tv that is allowed in the house - most of us are relying on Netflix streaming or DVDs now, and one of the parents mentioned getting the complete Cosby Show for his daughter to watch.

    Epiphany! And now we plan on doing the same thing. And you reminded me of that, so a good Monday it is indeed!

  4. AFW - Don't forget the cartoon show Fat Albert! or The Cosby Show! I actually have my father's reel to reels of comedy bits of a bunch of comedy performers somewhere in the bowels of that place we call a basement. (And despite having three of our five eighteen or older... we do NOT have cable. DVDs, books and games we play or share as a family. :)

  5. Guess we're just boring... (except at the dinner table) :)


Contents from normal neural synapsis goes here....
Should unnatural neural synapsis occur? Take one cherry chocolate Hershey Kiss and carry on.
Should NO neural synapsis occur? Take two full strength chocolate Hershey Kisses and
try again in the morning.