Recipe For Marriage...

Not too long ago my husband and I went to vote at the town hall. On the way home we stopped at the little general store that also serves as our town's post office, deli, ice cream and liquor store. (Gotta love small town living!) There was no one else in the store and while I went over to get a gallon of milk I could hear my husband quip with the cashier. Somehow the subject of our having been married for over 21 years seemed to come up and the cashier asked us how our marriage could survive so long.

Husband, "You should allow your spouse at least three major failings because it's certain that you have at least that many."

Me, "Marriage is a decision that you make every day to work at it. Your marriage may last years after a decision not to work at it but it truly ended the first time you did not feel the need to make it a priority in your life."

Husband, "Don't sweat the small stuff and most of all is the need for a really good sense of humor."

She looked a little dumbfounded at this advice and said that she and her boyfriend had been friends for 10 years before they started dating, been together for 6 years and had a 3 year old child together but that although she lived with him she still wasn't sure about marriage.

When we got back into the truck to go home, I asked my husband if her comments bothered him. I thought it was a rather sad commentary but he said that she was already married by common law whether she accepted it or not. Then he said:

"A marriage is not a piece of paper declaring you to be wed. It is the commitment to another person. It is trying to live that commitment in everything you do. It also only works if both persons are willing to work at it."

The conversation stuck in my mind and I realized that there is probably a few more things that have kept us going. I feel safe being exactly who and what I am with my husband. I don't have to wonder if he will leave when the going gets tough as it inevitably does. I have an unshakable trust in his friendship and love that neither will be withdrawn if I am not perfect. I make sure he knows the same is true for him.

I guess that is our recipe for marriage. As of last August we have been married for twenty one years. I can't imagine anyone else putting up with me for that long... or vice versa. :o)

QOTD: "There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."

Things My Kids Have Taught Me About IM...

I was on the computer early one morning before the kids got up. After a while I saw Danielle log onto IM so I knew she was awake. Her bedroom is on the first floor, mine is on the second.

Me, Good Morning!

Danielle, Hi.

Me, Are you hungry?

Danielle, Yes!

Me, I am too. Why don't you make me breakfast in bed?

Danielle, NO!

Me, NO? Don't you love me anymore?

Danielle, I'm checking my email. (Guess we know where HER affections lie!)

Me, OK, how about we meet in the kitchen and I'll make breakfast?

Danielle, No, I am checking my email.

Me, How about I come take your computer for the day?

Danielle, All right. I'll be right there.

Ya know...I don't think they have this covered in any parenting books I know of...Welcome to the 21st century!

QOTD: "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that is has taken place." George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Literary Critic, Playwright and Essayist. 1925 Nobel Prize for Literature.

Reindeer Games...

The kids and I were sitting at the kitchen table, eating Dunkin Doughnuts and Hot Apple Cider and talking about Christmas songs.

Erin singing, "You know Dasher and Dancer and Comet and Cupid....Mom, how does it go again?"

Me, "No singing at the table." (Especially with a mouth full of glazed blueberry cake doughnut!)

Rachel, "Mom, when Rudolph wasn't allowed to play any Reindeer games, did they mean Monopoly?"

Me, *Blink*

Rachel, "You know, the game he wasn't allowed to play?"

Me, "No, I don't think it was Monopoly...." (I'm thinking to myself that maybe it should have been Twister.... Imagine..."Right front hoof on red. Left back hoof on blue. Dancer, you skewered me with your horns again!")

QOTD: "I think there should be something in science called the 'reindeer effect.' I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, 'Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect.'" Jack Handy - American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003.

Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty...

Have you ever been owned by a cat? (Humans do not "own" the beasts) A cat only allows you to bask in the gloriousness of it's presence. We have always had a variety of pets. Currently we have 4 cats (to match the 4 daughters :o) and one corn snake for the 5th daughter-habitating with us. More on the different types of cat personalities at a future time.

Now, you'd think our cats would be more grateful considering we saved them from a garbage bag thrown away at the dump, but NOOOOO, they are constantly bringing us mere mortals the mice they find so they can "teach" us how to catch our food. (I think they're severely disappointed in our abilities to hunt and gather!)

They also chase each other down the hall, across the living room, up the stairs, down the hall and then back down again. Always at about 0300 (3am)! We have started calling this phenomenon "The Kitty 500".

They also want to lay on your chest while you are trying to sleep, chew on your hair to wake you up, yowl loudly when you do not pay enough attention and if you do not clean out their bathroom "Facilities" often enough they punish you by finding your most cherished clothing to "Christen" it or make mincemeat out of your carpet, minutes before company arrives.

Ah the joys of being owned by a Cat. I think it's time to adopt a rottweiler. What do you think? :o)

QOTD: "When I play with my cat, who knows whether she isn't amusing herself more with me than I am with her?" Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) Essais (1580)

Again, For Sarah...

Too often in my posts I write about the frustrating things about our daughters but there truly is plenty of wonderful things note. I think that being in parental mode all the time we sometimes forget to acknowledge the precious milestones that are reached as children grow older.

Once they hit their preteen years there will come a time when they can be home alone without adult supervision for short periods of time. As they get older, this time expands. We don't have to worry about the older three girls being home alone. They have been trustworthy and responsible. The older three have babysat outside the home and Rachel will be stepping up to that plate soon.

Another plus in our house is that I now get steal the older children's sweatshirts, sweaters and coats instead of them always borrowing mine. It doesn't work just one way anymore. :o)

As teenagers their enthusiasm and thirst for knowledge is inspiring. Granted, most of the time this knowledge is not for school work but rather other areas of interest. It is amazing to watch them choose interests that you would never have thought they'd consider and then explore that world beyond your own knowledge to be able to teach YOU something new.

What I love most about my own teenagers is the opportunity to shed the parental hat at times to be able to enjoy being invited along with them on their journey of discovery. One on one time is rare when you have 5 children but it is so special when it does happen.

They all have such different personalities and varied interests and I often used to wonder what they would grow up to be. With what they teach me through this growing process, I now wonder what 'I' will grow to be before they are done with me...

QOTD: "My mom told me you don't have to be popular or the prettiest. Just be who you are. Don't do what everybody else is doing. The last thing we need is more Stepford teens. It was great advice." Unknown