09 March 2010

Registered To Win A Fabulous, Brand New F-117A In The Desert Thunder Sweepstakes...

OK.  I am blatantly stealing the following post that has appeared on various websites but it is Tuesday and I desperately needed a laugh after sitting down with the tuition bills for three, count them THREE college student daughters, for the fall semester.  Which is enough to make any parent cringe in fear and worry.  Not to mention going bald from pulling your hair out while wearing out three calculators from abusive displays of anxiety.  

And by the way, the 'important notice' at the bottom of this post I saw on someone else's website as a possible signature block.  I tried to remember where I saw it and when that failed (see above description of my mental acuity at the current time in my life) I googled it.  Whereupon I saw that it has been blatantly stolen from so many places that I don't feel quite so bad about my memory.  Still, if the blogger will kindly remind me I will be happy to place a link to their wonderful site because it truly is the best signature I have EVER seen.  (and I absconded with it immediately to put on my own email messages so that all my friends and family could reevaluate their opinions of my good humor or lack thereof... (you know who you are)  So now for the chuckle of the day...

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company of course does not have a sense of humor and made the IT department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too) ...

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs & desires.

1. Title
[_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other
First Name: ..............................................
Initial: ..........
Last Name:..............................................
Password: ................................ (max. 8 char)
Code Name:..............................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........................
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ......../......./......
4. Serial Number: ..........................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package [_] Catalog / showroom [_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased: [_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Previously attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: [_] Style / appearance [_] Speed / maneuverability [_] Price / value [_] Comfort / convenience [_] Kickback / bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used: [_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Iraq [_] Middle East (not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia / Far East [_] Iraq [_] Misc.third world countries [_] Iraq [_] Libya [ ] France [ ] Classified
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future: [_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer satellite [_] CD player [_] Surface to air missile system [_] Space shuttle [_] Home computer [_] Nuclear weapon [ ] Chemical / biological agent [_] Other weapon of mass destruction
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that
[_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcase of cocaine [_] Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Travelers check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_] Defense Minister / General [_] Retired [_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis: [_] Golf [_] Boating / sailing [_] Sabotage [_] Running / jogging [_] Propaganda / misinformation [_] Destabilization / overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_] Crafts [_] Black market / smuggling [_] Collectibles / collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_] Interrogation / torture [_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage / reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_] Extortion [ ] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT:  This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the pit bull next door is living on borrowed time. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.


  1. Ha! That's a good one! Might steal it myself...

  2. OMG, tuition bills for THREE college student daughters? GOD BLESS YOU! And yikes!


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