16 March 2010

Unusual Selling Points...

Our family van is too sick to save.  We have decided to put it out of it's misery (and ours).  We have been shopping for a few days and have finally settled on a car.  I really needed something with lower lumbar support in the seat.  That and good gas mileage are the only two things that were non-negotiable in my mind.  Amazingly enough we easily found what we were looking for and filled out the paperwork.  While the dealership did all the final things they do to get the car ready, my husband and I went to get some lunch.
My husband, "That car really has an amazing amount of trunk space.  I bet you could fit two dead bodies back there."
Cautiously (figuring I'd go with the flow) I said, "I guess that might be a good selling point if I were in the market for that kind of feature but I think the smell would get to me, not to mention the problems inherent with getting them out once the rigor mortis sets in."

My husband thought about that for a minute and then said,  "You could be right but since one of those dead bodies is likely to be me I give you permission to use my truck instead.  That way you can just slide the corpse out and it'll make it easier to dispose of the body."
*blink blink*
Me, "Wow!  What a thoughtful and generous thing to offer.  Thank you.  If I ever decide to take up the life of a homicidal maniac, I will be sure to take you up on that lovely offer."

My husband said cheerfully, "Your welcome.  Any time."
A few hours later when picking up Danielle downtown.
Danielle, "Cool car Mom!"

Me, "Thanks.  You can put your bag in the trunk.  It's large enough."

Danielle, "Wow!  It's big enough for three dead bodies!"
Okaaaay.  "Umm.  Your father said something to that effect."
A little while later, when picking up Rachel.
Rachel, "Wow Mom.  Your car is shiny!" (I don't think she meant reflective)

Me, "Thanks.  You can throw your bag in the trunk."

While throwing her bag in the trunk, "Hey!  You could fit two dead bodies back here!"
*blink*  I think they all may have zombies on the brain lately...
Danielle, "I said three."

Rachel says casually, "Two and a half.  I can compromise."

Again I thought of the one thing my family apparently doesn't consider a problem, "I don't want to think about the smell."  Then I thought, 'What am I thinking? I'm letting them drag me into the shallow end of the gene pool they obviously wallow in on occasion!'  It's like my husband said... Not much wave action in that pool.

After a minute Danielle said, "Well, if you cut one in half you could fit all three."

Rachel swiftly came back with, "Only if you chop them up.  Mom is right though.  You'd have to put them in plastic bags."
I changed the subject and then quiet finally reigned in the car as I started to make our way home.
I was thinking about how nice the ride was.  How quiet.  The other options the car had and without really thinking it through, mistakenly said, "I read the owner's manual and it says it has an emergency unlock feature in the trunk of the car in case you get stuck in there."

Rachel, "Then we'll just have to duck tape anyone we want to put back there."
Sigh.  My family just doesn't place the same amount of importance on car features as I do... or for the same reasons...
QOTD:  "Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience."  Bill Watterson, Cartoonist


  1. Love It!
    You always make me smile.

  2. I am sorry but I am going to have to really reconsider being related to your husband and his daughters! You notice they are his daughters, I am giving you an out!!

  3. Ahahahhahah. Your daughters definitely have your husbands sense of humor!

  4. I am not going to lie, "dead bodies" is a valid unit of measurement in this family, lol. My husband and I and the rest of my family all say the exact same thing when discussing space in a vehicle.

  5. AFW - yeah. And what kind of 'unit of measure' would *your* husband use. (I'm laughing because I'm pretty sure my imagination is not that far off!)

    Noguchi - Glad I could share the hilarity that is my family on occasion. Always nice to know I can share my smiles. (BTW I LURV your sewing! Makes me wish my girls were that small again!)

    Karen - you can reconsider all you like but he would still claim you if only to bug you. Doesn't that make you wish you had drowned him as a kid instead of beating up bullies for him?

    Meleah - It's at times like these that I realize just HOW much they are like him!

    Kasey - You really made my day! I had to laugh at the '"dead bodies" is a valid unit of measurement'. That is EXACTLY the right way to describe this. Too funny. I am so glad my family is not the only one who uses this kind of measurement. It's somehow comforting. :)

  6. What did Uncle Fester have to say about this?


Contents from normal neural synapsis goes here....
Should unnatural neural synapsis occur? Take one cherry chocolate Hershey Kiss and carry on.
Should NO neural synapsis occur? Take two full strength chocolate Hershey Kisses and
try again in the morning.