03 March 2011

Do Not Let Your Children Try This Without Duct Tape...

I have found a treasure trove of posts from the old Lemon Stand blog.  So I have rediscovered a few subjects worthy of a more thorough insight.  After all, time and experience surely makes perspective an interesting phenomena.

A few years ago, one of my favorite bloggers, Air Force Wife,  wrote an incredibly funny post entitled Shakin' My Groove Thang about her relationship with exercise.  I remember commenting in jest that my groove thang had (in relation to exercise) geliophobia, ophthalmophobia and catagelophobia. (fear of being ridiculed, stared at and laughed at) I had looked up the definitions at a website called The Phobia List.  In reality, I am truly claustrophobic and agoraphobic, so I have a close personal relationship with fears.  Now, I know this site was not intended to be humorous, but I just had to laugh when I realized, that yes, there are possibly worse things to be afraid of, especially if you have children like mine...

I am so glad they never found that web page.  Just think.  I might have had to try matching wits with a child [Erin] who'd claimed she was ablutophobic (fear of washing or bathing) or hydrophobic (fear of water) as an excuse for exemption from utilizing a bathtub or shower stall.   

I can clearly imagine Danielle trying to justify skipping school because she was didaskaleinophobic (fear of going to school) or possibly sophophobic (fear of learning).  It was more likely that she'd had an important test she didn't study for (I guess that might be blamed on being testophobic?).

With as much as our kids argue debate, I really would have had to get a law degree, just so I could prepare a really good case of parental abuse.

When they were young, they all went through the stage of not wanting to wear clothes.  As teenagers, they have all acquired vestiphobia (fear of clothing), because getting them to pick up their dirty clothes?  Well, let's just say that MY Mt. Laundry has been worn down to an easily climbed hill since they were all told to wash their own laundry.  I believe this came as quite a shock at first because they do not have (nor have they ever had) automysophobia (fear of being dirty), rupophobia (fear of dirt), ataxophobia (fear of disorder or untidiness), or rhytiphobia (fear of getting wrinkles).

Can you get a clear mental picture of the problems this might also pose for poor unsuspecting teachers?
"I sorry Mr. Pruitt. I can't possibly write this essay for a final exam... I have testophobia (fear of taking tests), scriptophobic (fear of writing in public) and papyrophobic (fear of paper)."
Like I said, I now feel that there are worse things to be afraid of...  Still, I'm pretty sure I could have held my own (mostly) before the eldest children graduated from High School.  The younger ones are hereby warned that any attempt in this direction of behavior will yield that universal answer to just about everything... duct tape.   I certainly think that merinthophobia (fear being bound or tied up) could possibly be in the future of the child who wishes to test the limits on this... 

QOTD: "I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone." Tallulah Bankhead (1903-1968) American Actress


  1. "...as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water..."

    Actresses just don't talk like that anymore. And more's the pity.

  2. So true. I can't think of any actresses as classy as Kathryn Hepburn, Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn... or that look sexier with their clothes ON than most modern actresses.


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