Family Questionnaire...

What member(s) of your family have learned, can understand, know where to find, know how to use, can identify or keep secret the exact nature of or reason for each of the following?

~ Why it is important to NOT use dish soap in a dishwasher...

~ Why it IS important to use laundry detergent when attempting to clean clothes... (and why putting twice the recommended amount will NOT get your clothes any cleaner... quite the opposite)

~ Why the exact location of emergency medical information, including everyone's allergies, medical conditions and current medication is important for all family members to know... and why your remaining lifespan will be measured in minutes if you share with your friends what your brother is REALLY taking those antibiotics for or that your father has a supply of BLUE pills in his medicine cabinet...

~ Where the remote controls to all the various electronic devices within your home can be found and why it is NOT 'he who hold's the remote control rules the world', but rather 'she who knows where she hid the batteries has attained true world dominance'...

~ How to change an empty toilet paper roll and why you should try to excel in the fine use of this skill before YOU end up being literally caught with your pants down...

~ What a bill is, why it must be paid and why bills multiply exponentially faster than rabbits when YOU are the one responsible for paying them...

~ What a toilet brush looks like, knowing which end of the toilet brush is most useful for it's intended purpose and why brandishing it like Luke Skywalker's light saber is not a good idea...

~ What the exact reason is why one should always fill up a gas tank when borrowing someone's car... even if they don't ask you to... and extend your life expectancy by paying any parking tickets you may have incurred while using said vehicle...

~ Why pantyhose is almost as useful as duct tape and why it's a good thing to have on hand, regardless of one's fashion preferences or gender...

~ What is a good sense of humor and why is it that the best quips and comebacks only occur to you when you are alone and there's no one to share your wit with...

~ Why your Mother is NOT your maid...  unless you are paying for her medical insurance, taxes, 401K, unemployment insurance, vacation days, over time and hazardous duty pay...

It is my personal belief that offspring don't learn how to pray until they move out and start opening bills addressed to them... that's when they learn the beginning of most prayers, "Oh my God!"