13 April 2010

The Alternative To Lemonade...

Today is going to be a GREAT day!   Yesterday, was another story altogether...

In fact, it seems like my life is a television rerun some days which is why the following post may seem similar to another post I wrote last year... just with a few important variations.  

Why is it that when I have a car full of offspring it suddenly becomes, "let's aggravate Mother Day!"  The kids sing annoying songs... repeatedly.  Even after one or more of the rest of the family has requested either a different musical entertainment or complete quiet, thank you very much. (I'm sure you can guess which option I was voting for!)  They seem to be able to offend one another with incredible ease.  I have come to the realization that I am raising kids who have not a drop of human kindness for their fellow man (much less their own sisters) running through their veins. (See hyena analogy)

I can tell you that when the whining begins to tips the scales of my patience... I'm ready to rip the head off the next child who comes to me and says, "Mom, she said/did/wants/makes ::fill in the blank::" (see the logistics of selling your kids on eBay) So in an effort to keep my sanity and put back on the peacekeeper hat, I have the bad habit of hiding in our bedroom for a while.  OK.  Sometimes all evening if it's really bad.

OK, we'll call a spade a spade and just say that I send myself to my room for a time out before I do something that, although would feel great in the moment, would probably have me sporting black and white stripes or a lovely orange, dayglo jumpsuit as a room mate of a big, buff, woman wrestler with tattoo's that say "Daddy" with maybe snakes running up the length of her arms doing the mamba and an evil looking dragon over her entire back. Body piercings at maximum limit in places that hurt just to think about them much less look at. And did I mention that she would probably have a voodoo doll that looked just like me and when she smiled, the teeth she had remaining would be sharpened and gold tipped? (I seem to have this nightmare often. Unfortunately it is vivid enough to remain forever etched in my memory...)

See? It doesn't take long sometimes to realize that you don't necessarily have to make lemonade from life's lemons. Sometimes you can picture what alternative those lemons might look like and know that getting hit with the common variety lemon can be acceptable... Fun even... (Have I convinced you yet?  Yeah... me either...)

OK, with zen achieved I can go back downstairs and cope with dinner.  (complete with 'funeral march playing', dragging my feet like I'm headed to the gallows)  I'm sure I can handle making the dinner, cleaning the kitchen and herding the kids off to bed with nary a police report filed for bad behavior. (Just repeat after me "Good Mommy. Good Mommy.")

I don't have to bother even looking in the mirror when I get up in the morning. It will, after all, be a great day! (See above, it even says so!)

Watch, tonight I'll be dreaming of my new cell mate.....  again...
QOTD: "Don't be too hard on parents. You may find yourself in their place." Dame Ivy Compton-Burnett (1884-1969), Elders and Betters (1944)


  1. You totally crack me up!

    After this morning, I need a strong, strong, strong, glass of lemonade!

  2. I ALWAYS hide in my bedroom when my family drives me crazy!!

  3. I like children. If they're properly cooked.
    W.C. Fields

  4. ABW - You are welcome and I hope your morning got better!

    Meleah - I am SO glad to hear I am not the only one!

    Karen - PRICELESS!!!


Contents from normal neural synapsis goes here....
Should unnatural neural synapsis occur? Take one cherry chocolate Hershey Kiss and carry on.
Should NO neural synapsis occur? Take two full strength chocolate Hershey Kisses and
try again in the morning.