I promised Meleah of Mama Mia, Mea Culpa that I would be brave, dig deep and post about my demons (which I rarely do). [I think I've actually ended up in China] Meleah's walking a hard road, and I seem to have a lot of friends (Sarah) and family that are also struggling right now with life. My post started to look like the Encyclopedia Britannica so I decided to not reinvent the wheel as you will see below.
I may say that writing about demons is not really what my blog is all about, but that's not quite true. Meleah made me remember, if I truly want to be honest with myself, why I don't just write this blog for the funny, humorous ways I try to look at things. A way to try to understand why things happen the way they do and that all tears that are shed are not necessarily bad.
This blog started as a place for me because I don't just want to write, I need to write, and this includes those very few serious posts that dig deep and allows me to rip off the bandage of a hurt to air what is festering within me beneath the surface. To help heal and be at peace with what causes deep pain within me. This blog is part of what helps me to stay on track. It's my map and it almost always shows me the right way. In truth, I find I sometimes have gotten lost without it. I need this compass to reset me in the right direction.
I keep this blog public because I have found, to my surprise, that I am not alone in my troubles and that is heartening. I have been told that sometimes, my posts touch and helps to soothe something in someone else's life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the scary and the depressing things are all aired like dirty laundry. Knowing that what helps to heal me helps others is humbling.
So I want to share what this blog means to me. It's a commitment... I believe a commitment is to keep going even when you knowingly or unknowingly let life knock you on your ass. A commitment is when you try even harder to reach that goal no matter how many bricks are placed in your path, it is a determination to adapt, adjust and overcome. To use those bricks to build a solid foundation that won't allow you to crumble. A commitment is when you look at that brick wall and you automatically start looking for ways to go around it, under it, over it, breaking through it, or when necessary, you paint it with a picture of what you are committed to attaining and then you find a different road to your goal.
Jimmy Dean once said, "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
I am like every other human being and get discouraged, lost, depressed or sometimes feel unappreciated. I need reminders of what is important. New Year resolutions are an excuse to wait for a certain day to make a commitment to something better for you, your friends or your family. Just like Alice in Wonderland, instead of celebrating ONE birthday, we should be celebrating EVERY UN-BIRTHDAY.
I have many goals and blessings to remember and be thankful for. If reading any of this helps someone else take a good long look around on the road they are on, where they are really going, and helps to scrounge up the courage to take that first step that may start a journey of a thousand miles for them, then the fear and humiliation of sharing these things are more than worth it to me. I have made a lot of mistakes, but I choose to look at myself as a work in progress whenever I can.
With all this in mind, I give you my thoughts on the toughest things I've ever faced. Not for pity, not for attention, not for someone else's amusement. This is for those who come here to read about keeping it together. To find humor or a different way of looking at a problem. A different perspective. I pray that I have been lucky enough to have painted many clear mental pictures and that you will find somewhere in the middle of it all a small nugget that will 'speak' to you, maybe give you some small measure of peace...
Feel free to skip this post. This post is not about the funny. There are many people do not want to read of someone else's troubles and how they got through them and I can totally respect that. I'll be back to the funny soon. For those that want to know what has kept me sane despite the lobbing of so many lemons then go ahead and click only on those things you feel a need know. There are 11 posts (out of over 500 posts I've written here and on my previous blog) and I doubt anyone one wants that much of me in one day... at least without some serious chocolate or libation. :) Yes, there are always hints of humor, but I've truly never been more serious in my life. The humor merely helps to ease the pain.
First, I think it's important to know the definition of courage, bravery and change. I used to think I was never brave. That I was a coward all the time for not handling events in my life better. I was wrong and maybe it's time for you to find out you are too.
Learn to celebrate the little things in life. “It is not always possible to live in the moment, but when the opportunity does present itself….do not waste it for it is precious and may not come again.” ~ Lemon Stand
Remember to count your blessings. "When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food, and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies with yourself." ~ Tecumseh Shawnee Chief (1768-1813)
Do not allow your past to ruin or take away your future. Remember, "A man whose yesterdays rest on his horizon travels forward into his past. The result is that he goes a very long way to nowhere." ~ Catherine Anderson
I have a very deep and personal relationship with depression and if the winter blues or any other form of the depression gets you down. You are NOT alone. Far from it. These were the hardest of all my posts to write. There is no deeper digging that I could do. Depression and PTSD are the 'Nessie' (of Loch Ness fame) in my life and I tried to explain how it affects and has affected my family.
I've written about Alcoholism. My father's to be exact. His story is so sad because it is very common. Then I wrote about the legacy he left me and my final understanding of the 'why' of it and how I escaped his fate.
And lastly I have written about how I can look back and laugh at it all and have discovered there truly is an Instruction Manual of Life.